Being a stepparent can be incredibly difficult, especially if the kids are older and established in their ways.

Do you step in to parent? Do you sit passively? Do you let them not talk to you for 5 years then move in on a random Tuesday?

This woman took to Reddit to share her story.

Me (26f) and my SO (32m) have been together for 5 years and he has 2 children with his ex Anna (31f). They have Leo (8m) and Lea (14f) together.

Me and my SO decided to wait until we were dating for 1 year for me to meet his children.

The husband’s oldest child was quiet when meeting her future stepmom for the first time.

We met up for lunch at a local restaurant, and while Leo liked me, Lea didn’t speak a word.

I assumed she was not ready to warm up to me just yet.

After that, we scaled back to brief video calls where she wouldn’t say anything.

This went on for another 6 months, then me and my SO moved in together.

The oldest daughter made things difficult…

Leo came every other week for visits for the first month, and Lea never came.

She told SO she didn’t want to be around me so she wasn’t going to come for visitation. So my SO did visitation at his sisters house.

This worked out OK, it was just awkward because his sister lives 5 min away from our old apt and the kids lived 20 min away from us, so it was a lot of driving back and forth.

This has been the arrangement for years.

All she wanted to do was make her daughter feel welcome.

The entire time I’ve been inviting Lea out (through my SO) with us to get to know her better.

We go out at least 4-5 times per month and do various activities (parks, museums, zoo, malls, go karts, restaurants, everything!)

Leo tags along sometimes but Lea has never came.

March 1st I closed on my dream apartment. 3 beds, 2.5 baths, study, huge balcony, it’s gorgeous! We’ve moved in and I’m so excited to start making our home here.

I posted a video on social media and Anna saw it and showed Lea. Anna blew up my SO phone asking him when he was going to tell Lea that he moved. He did tell Lea, she said “oh, ok”.

The idea of a new bedroom? Hmmm…

After Lea saw our new home she asked SO when she would be able to come over and decorate her new room.

I told him under no circumstances will Lea be allowed into her new room until she agrees to meet us outside for an outing.

I love her because she’s my partners daughter, but I don’t know her!

I’ve only ever heard her voice in videos she posts to social media. She has never spoken a word to me!

While other family disagrees with her choice, her boyfriend agrees.

My SO is incredibly sad because he just wants his daughter to visit him again, but he agrees with me.

Anna and Lea obviously disagree, and so do my in laws.

AITA?

Reddit users had very mixed reviews on this one.

One person defended the writer in saying that adults are also allowed to have boundaries.

Another reader felt the daughter has every right to move in no matter what.

This person sided with the writer in saying she’s asking for the minimum standard of courtesy to be met.

I think it would benefit everyone for both parents and the woman to sit down with the daughter collectively.

Let’s hope things work themselves out.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.