Biological Child Feels Neglected Because His Parents Spend All Their Time On Adopted Siblings, But When He Asked For Some Alone Time With Them They Got Upset
by Michael Levanduski
When a family adopts children it will undoubtedly change a lot in the lives of the parents and the other kids.
What happens when mom and dad start spending all their time and attention on the adopted kids, neglecting their biological one?
That’s what this young man in this story is dealing with and he isn’t sure if he is handling it properly.
Check it out.
AITA for demanding my parents not include my adopted siblings when we go out to dinner for my birthday?
Five years ago, my (15M) parents adopted two of my siblings.
I’ll call them Cassandra (17F) and Layla (15F).
What a blessing.
Two years ago, Luku (2M) (their biological younger brother, absolute light of my life, best boy) was born and surrendered, so he was placed with us too.
Since they were adopted as preteens, a major priority for my parents was bonding with them two-on-three.
And they go to a lot of bonding things.
They’re constantly bouncing between adoption therapy, family therapy (which feels weird because I’m also part of the family? I’m only included once in a while, usually to be told I need to be less of a show off), and every single bonding thing they can find.
They also take them out after individual therapy, which I 100% support and would never admit to being jealous of IRL but… *god* I’m jealous of it.
These parents need to make time for their biological child too.
I know it’s not the same, but I had six bouts over the summer and it was a miracle that they attended two.
Which did not include the last fight or the Family Day.
At least come for the catharsis of seeing me get whacked with a sword!
Sometimes circumstances demand that I’m there – and I moved my schedule to make this happen more often.
At first they let me hang to the side, but then they asked that I step back so I’m not engaging with whatever it is they’re doing with my sisters because the bonding activities are supposed to be for them.
A very reasonable request.
Last night, I told my parents that I wanted them to do things with me, alone.
That they were wildly favoring my siblings over me, and I wanted to have dinner on my birthday with only them.
They didn’t take it well, and threatened to send me to therapy.
We ate in silence for a few minutes.
I tried to tell them I won the season-long bracket, and they emphasized how much it was not a time to be bragging or doing anything except apologizing.
They may need more, but not 100% of the support.
They said my siblings are traumatized and in need of more support.
They also accused me of believing my siblings aren’t ‘real’ just because I wanted to have some time with my parents where it wasn’t about my siblings.
After dinner, Layla said she thought it was a good idea, and suggested we go out as a family but paying attention to me in particular for the whole week.
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
That sounds incredibly embarrassing but amazing – I’d adore that, especially since I want to hang out with my sisters more anyway.
Cassandra, though, pulled me aside and said that I had always been a spoiled kid, but that this was like a healthy man demanding stitches from a poorly stocked first aid kit because everyone else had them and he wanted to “feel special”.
She said I should take a step back and realize that that was a awful thing to ask.
I’m split between wanting to run away so my family doesn’t have to deal with me and sinking into the comfort of self-pity.
I just want my own parents – or my own siblings or somebody – to genuinely care about how I feel or be glad when I do something well.
AITA?
Wow, I feel bad for this kid. He needs attention too.
Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything to say.
Here is some practical advice.
Hopefully, it won’t hurt his relationship with his siblings.
This is a good idea, therapy can really help.
It is unfortunate, but his parents are failing him.
Exactly, he is still just a kid who deserves attention.
These parents need to realize that they have four children, not just three!
Or they’re going to lose one as an adult.
If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.
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