Moving on from the past is easier said than done — especially when old names linger in new relationships.

One newlywed suspects her husband hadn’t truly moved on from his late wife when he keeps referring to both women “his wife.”

She’s left wondering if their love is a new chapter or if she’s just a cheap replacement.

Read on for the full story.

AITA for telling my [29f] husband [34m] not to call his ex-wife his wife?

So my husband Daniel and I have been married for just under a year, and I love him very much.

He has an 8-year-old daughter Jane from his previous marriage, who I love as my own.

He’s always been respectful and patient, which is part of why I decided to marry him.

But he’s carrying some trauma from a previous relationship.

We met right before the pandemic when he had been recently widowed the year before, so we tried to take things slow.

We ended up quarantining together, and after three years, we decided to tie the knot.

The wedding ceremony was everything a girl could dream of, and we’ve honestly had very few issues in our first year as a couple.

But soon came trouble in paradise.

It wasn’t until we went to pick up Jane from her summer camp that I started seeing an issue.

I went to meet up with him at the front desk, and I found him chatting with the camp coordinator, which is all well and good until I overheard what he was saying.

He mentioned that “my wife made me this jacket actually, she was really good at all that sewing stuff.”

He was referring to his ex-wife Alyssa, NOT me.

It bugged me a little, but I brushed it off as a one-time thing, an accident.

But unfortunately, it wasn’t a one-time incident.

We don’t talk about Alyssa much unless we’re around Jane, and even then he usually refers to her as “Jane’s mom.”

I had never heard him call her his wife, especially now that WE were married.

It wasn’t until a week or two later that I learned he does this a lot.

We were at a get-together with some friends from work, my first time meeting them.

It was all good until one of them asked me questions about baseball.

I admitted I didn’t know much about the sport, and he said that was weird because Daniel had mentioned I was really good at the game and even played some in college.

It left me very confused.

It was clear his friends were mistaking her for his previous wife.

After talking to some more guys, I found out this was a common issue.

A lot of them thought Alyssa and I were the same person because Dan called us both his wife.

At this point, I got really offended.

She feels ashamed that she now feels like a shadow in his life.

We had been married for 10 months, and he didn’t even call Alyssa his ex-wife yet.

I was super awkward explaining to people that he still called his ex-wife his wife.

It was utterly humiliating, especially the amount he does it — not just one or two people, but the whole office.

When we got home, we fought.

But the husband doesn’t mean to be malicious.

He said he didn’t even think about it that way, that since he never divorced Alyssa, he never stopped thinking about her as his wife.

He still stands by the fact that Alyssa is his wife.

Despite how embarrassing it is to explain to people that I’m not his second wife but rather his new wife and Alyssa his ex, he refuses to change his language.

In the heat of the moment, she issues an ultimatum.

I told him that if he wasn’t ready to move on, then he shouldn’t have married me.

If he can’t commit to being my husband, then he shouldn’t get to call me his wife.

I spent the next night at my sister’s house, ignoring his calls.

They decide to avoid confronting the issue for now, but she still doesn’t feel over it.

We recently started to smooth things over by not talking about them, but I can tell that this is going to be a sore spot in the marriage I am trying so desperately to save.

AITA?

She walked into the marriage ready to build a new future, but it seems like he’s still living in the past.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter affirms the current wife’s feelings.

The husband can grieve his late wife AND still honor his current wife’s feelings.

No matter what term you choose to use, the situation is still hurtful — and rightfully so.

Her husband’s choice of words may call attention to some deeper issues at play.

As hard as it may be, relationships aren’t always clean breaks — especially when the partnership ends in tragedy.

At the end of the day, it’s not about choosing sides, but learning how to navigate a complicated past — together.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.