Sometimes parenting mistakes are so subconscious, you don’t even realize you’re making them.

For instance, most parents would say they don’t have a favorite kid, but most kids say they think their parents have a favorite.

This woman notices her boyfriend favoring his oldest, but she isn’t sure how – or if – she should bring it up.

Check out the details below.

WIBTA if I bring up how my SO favors his eldest?

I (35f) and my partner (33m) both have children from previous relationships.

I have one son (12m) and he has two daughters (7f & 10f).

We’ve been together a little over a year and are talking about moving in together over the summer.

Sounds nice!

And there’s more nice:

Overall things have been great, and I adore his kids.

They often come over on weekends and sleepover since all the kids get along so well.

They are pretty cool and well-behaved, but act up occasionally as kids do.

He’s a good dad, and has 50/50 custody, though he actually often has them more than that

So what’s the problem, exactly?

There’s just one thing that really bothers me, and it’s getting hard for me to just ignore.

It has become increasingly clear to me that his eldest daughter is his favorite.

Some examples- 7f will ask to play a game on his computer and he’ll say no.

Minutes later 10f will ask and he might hesitate but will ultimately say yes.

7f is expected to do things she doesn’t want if it’s something 10f wants to do, but 10f is rarely expected to do something she doesn’t want.

I’m fine with making them compromise as you can’t please everyone, but it seems like 7f often has her desires sidelined.

That’s the sort of thing that can cause a LOOOOOT of resentment in the long run.

7f sometimes gets in trouble for things that 10f wouldn’t be in trouble for.

Also, 10f does not often get in trouble for things in general.

There are times where I’ve watched them while my partner is at work and they’re usually fine, but I am much firmer when it comes to parenting.

10f will literally full on refuse to compromise with the other kids, and gets upset when I intervene and tell her she needs to play fair and stop trying to make them do what she wants all the time

What is she to do in this quasi-parenting position?

Now I know he loves both of them so much, and he does show 7f lots of affection.

I think some of this does have to do with divorce guilt, since 10f is the one who really remembers and was most affected by the divorce.

But obviously if I can tell that he favors 10f, I’m positive 7f must feel it as well.

I’m also pretty sure she has ADHD and my partner may be subconsciously treating his eldest better because she’s “easier”

(ADHD runs in my family and even my mom has asked if 7f has it).

WIBTA if I brought up how he favors his eldest daughter?

Let’s see what the comments have to say:

It’s all about the approach:

But this clearly needs to be addressed before things go further:

Be delicate, though:

Better to put out this fire now before it really roars later on.

But it’s definite a delicate conversation.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.