Whether it’s healthy eating, self-care, a reasonable bedtime, we all have habits that we really want to build to allow us to become a better version of ourselves.

And as spring rolls around and we’re looking towards vacation time, lighter mornings and longer days, there’s no better time than now to start.

Conversely, it seems to be part of the human condition to pick up bad habits, and want to break them accordingly.

Whether you’re trying to quit smoking, eat less junk food, be less self critical, or even just press the snooze button less, breaking habits can feel like a tricky thing to do.

And without willpower and self-acceptance, your goals can often fall at the first hurdle.

So why do we make these habits in the first place? And, more importantly, how do we break bad habits without re-entering the cycle of one day of motivation, before giving into temptation, and then feeling awful about ourselves?

Well, according to a Harvard University blog, there are reasons behind not only the building of habits, but our struggles to shake them.

And there’s good news here too: it is totally possible to break habits whilst being kind to yourself about setbacks.

Why do we create bad habits that we don’t necessarily like? Well, the truth is our brains like repetition – almost as much as they like reward. So if something feels good – like eating a fresh-baked cookie even if you’re not hungry, drinking alcohol when you’re stressed, or going back to sleep when you don’t want to get up for work – the brain releases a hit of dopamine.

When the body comes to associate that thing with pleasure, and that pleasure becomes routine, it’s difficult to shake.

But don’t despair. There are some techniques and approaches that will help you shake that cookie addiction for good.

According to the team at Harvard University, there are some key steps to breaking a habit.

Firstly, it’s important to understand why you want to change. If you don’t have any reason, or any strong desire behind your wish to change, you won’t have the motivation to fight it when things get tough.

Next, you need to work out why you indulge in that habit. Are you stress-eating? Are you triggered by something in particular – settling down with a glass of wine when you watch TV every night, for example? If this is the case, you might be triggered into reaching for that wine bottle.

If you are triggered by stress or fear, loneliness or anxiety, careful attention on your feelings (rather than drowning them out with food, nicotine, or doomscrolling for example) will help you on the path to understanding yourself and working through those emotions, rather than merely masking them.

Once you understand why you indulge or exhibit the habits you want to break, you need to work on modifying that behavior.

In the above example, you might want to fill your wine glass with water or soda, or go for a sunset walk instead of settling down to watch TV in an evening.

But, it’s important not to have an all-0r-nothing approach, since this is what often leads people to give up on their quest to break a bad habit before they’ve even really started.

So, if you’re two days into your plan to quit that evening glass of wine, but you’ve had a really stressful day and have filled your glass and taken a sip before your brain has even registered what happened, don’t despair.

Remember, you already succeeded once, which shows that you can break the habit. We all have setbacks and this is just one of them – all caused by your brain following a routine that it knows makes it feel better in a time of distress. This is time to try out some resilience: sure, you had a glass tonight, but it doesn’t mean you will have one tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.

According to Harvard Medical School’s Dr Stephanie Collier, this means accepting yourself and resisting perfectionistic urges:

“You don’t have to aim for perfect, but just a little bit healthier.”

Moreover, the team suggest that urges only usually last for around 20 minutes, after which point the feeling will have waned. If you can make it through that, you can make it through anything.

But how can you shake the urges when they are making you cranky, or you are really close to breaking?

The Harvard team suggest distracting yourself through some kind of physical or sensory activity. By exposing your body to heat or cold, going for a walk or lifting some weights, your mind will eventually move on, as Dr Collier explains in the blog:

“You’re focused on the sensation and not the urge.”

But the most important step in breaking your bad habits is accepting and being compassionate toward yourself.

There are going to be setbacks along your journey, and it will take time to break that habit – just as it takes time to make a new one. Speaking to yourself kindly and with understanding is important here, and a little compassion goes a long way to encouraging you to make different choices in the future.

And the good news? Over time, you’ll find yourself replacing your bad habits with good ones – just as soon as you accept yourself along the way.

You’re not always going to get it right, and that’s okay.

If you think that’s impressive, check out this story about a “goldmine” of lithium that was found in the U.S. that could completely change the EV battery game.