It’s funny how weddings have a way of stirring up old feelings that never really went away.

What would you do if a future in-law tried to involve you in a sensitive family dynamic, hoping you could change your fiancé’s mind about including them in the wedding? Would you take on the role of helping? Or would you refuse to get involved in the situation?

In the following story, one woman finds herself caught between trying to be respectful and being accused of brushing family aside. Here’s how it all went down.

AITA for suggesting my fiancé’s stepmom speak to my fiancé instead of me about whether she’ll have an official part to play in the wedding?

My fiancé and I, both in our late 20s, are getting married in November this year.

My fiancé’s stepmom recently approached me and asked if she would have an official part to play in the wedding.

She told me her relationship with him has improved since she first married into the family, but she still feels like she’s not really a true family member in her stepkids’ eyes, and she suspects she’s just going to be there.

But she wanted me to know that she would like to play an official part in the wedding and would like to feel like they were more than just okay and getting along better. She felt like I could play a part in that.

It was not her place to say, so she kept referring the lady to her fiancé.

I told her I understood she had questions, but I would not be able to answer, and I suggested she speak to my fiancé. That ultimately he would be the one to decide, and that should be a conversation they have.

She told me she went to me because she felt like there was less baggage from the past, and like I would enjoy having her in the wedding.

I suggested again that she speak to my fiancé.

She expressed her unhappiness about my unwillingness to speak to her myself. I let her grumble on her way out, and I said no more.

Here’s why the stepmom doesn’t feel like a part of the family…

For full disclosure, my fiancé’s mom died when he was 10, and his stepmom came into his life when he was 11.

He has admitted it didn’t matter who came in at the time, and she was disliked by him and his siblings initially because she was only there because their mom wasn’t anymore, and it was incredibly difficult for them.

He said she wasn’t bad in any way, but they found it so difficult to have a stepmother.

He admits it got easier to like her, but their relationship was never the kind where he saw her as a parent or mother figure.

Now the stepmother and his dad think she should’ve handled it better.

Ever since I refused to give an answer and suggested she speak to my fiancé, she has been sulking, and she told my fiancé she felt like I brushed her off.

My fiancé’s dad wanted to know why I wouldn’t answer, too.

My fiancé said that I respected it being his decision and that I would never make that kind of decision for him.

His dad and stepmom said there were better ways to communicate that instead of letting her pour her heart out and not reassuring her.

But I did try to get in before she spilled her guts to me. I could not stop her once she started.

AITA?

Yikes! Most people wouldn’t want to be caught up in all of that.

Let’s see what the people over at Reddit have to say about this.

According to this comment, the stepmother was trying to manipulate her.

This person has a similar thought.

Here’s someone who thinks she did the right thing.

For this person, it’s a big problem that she went around her fiancé.

She did everything perfectly!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.