After a gut-wrenching day as an emergency dispatcher, OP showed up late and in uniform to a fancy birthday dinner—only to be met with sarcasm, judgment, and a demand to “stop making it about you.”

Cue the tears, the fallout, and a family feud over one very emotional entrée.

Read on for the story.

AITA for ruining my SIL’s birthday by crying?

I (43M) am an Advanced Paramedic in Critical Care.

This means I’m trained to treat very serious injury and illness, and also work in my service’s Emergency Operations Centre to monitor emergency calls and dispatch other AP-CCs.

Because it’s a high-stress job and my shifts can easily overrun, I usually only commit to social events on my days off.

He decided to make an exception.

Recently, my SIL (40F) booked a meal at a nice restaurant to celebrate her birthday.

I initially told my partner (44M) I couldn’t go as I had a 6am-4pm shift that day.

However, he really wanted me to go, so I got my shift changed from Ambulance Crew to EOC, thinking it would decrease the chance of being too late or too drained to go.

It wasn’t an easy shift.

The shift was awful – my country’s healthcare system is extremely overburdened and I had to make a lot of difficult decisions prioritising calls.

Near the end of my shift, I had to input on a complex, distressing call which took almost 2 hours.

I left work 90 mins late and got to the restaurant about 20 mins late, in uniform and very tired.

They wanted to know why he was late.

When I arrived, SIL sarcastically said it was nice of me to finally show up and to make such an effort with my clothes.

I apologised, saying I had a call that overran.

My partner asked about the call, and I said I didn’t want to discuss it as it was upsetting and probably inappropriate for SIL’s daughter (8F) to hear.

BIL (38M) said it was just a call and I wasn’t actually there, so if I’m going to use it as an excuse to disrespect his wife I should tell them what happened.

The argument continues…

I said it wasn’t an excuse, I couldn’t just hang up emergency calls when I felt like it.

And SIL said I shouldn’t have taken the call when I knew I had to leave.

I said I was the only AP on duty so what was I supposed to do, make a junior dispatcher do my job for me?

SIL said not everything was about me or how important and special my job is, especially not her birthday.

He decided to go home.

I was honestly so overwhelmed I started crying, although I know it was probably an overreaction. I was also really embarrassed as I don’t cry in front of others, so I went to the toilet to calm down.

My partner came to check on me and I said I just wanted to go home.

He said it was fine, he would explain to SIL and BIL, so I left.

When he got home later, he said SIL and BIL were furious that I’d ruined the meal by making it about me, as they felt I should have made sure I was on time and out of uniform, or at least been more understanding about why SIL was upset.

Now he’s arguing with his partner about it.

I said SIL made it about me by being rude over a 20 min delay when I was clearly exhausted.

And he said I couldn’t expect others to manage my stress for me when I chose a high-stress job.

I said I was managing my stress when I said I couldn’t go.

And he said he also has a stressful job and still doesn’t use it as an excuse to flake on his family.

Is an apology in order?

He wants me to apologise to SIL.

And I’m still hurt over the situation.

However, I feel really bad for ruining the meal, and I’m worried I did overreact and make everybody cater to my emotions. AITA?

Reddit was quick to rally behind OP, calling the sister-in-law’s reaction tone-deaf at best and cruel at worst.

This person says he was set up for failure.

This person says NO apology is needed.

This person has some ideas on what should happen next.

He saved lives all day—then got guilt-tripped for missing appetizers.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.