They say that when it comes to gifts, it’s the thought that counts.

And hey – some cliches got to be cliches because they’re just true.

The older you get, the less worried you are about how cool or expensive a gesture is and more moved by how kind and thoughtful.

Which is why I’m surprised a man in his 30’s who already has a lot reacted the way he did in this story.

AITA for not getting my boyfriend a birthday present?

My boyfriend (33 M) and I (25 F) have been together for eight months.

I’m putting myself through school, and am working towards getting my third degree.

Because of this, I’m super broke and penny pinch in every way I can.

My boyfriend is settled in his career with disposable income, so we have different habits when it comes to spending money (our finances are completely separate).

But hey, you don’t need a lot of money to have a good time, right?

His birthday was last week, but I didn’t get him a physical gift because all of the things he really wants or needs are wildly outside my budget.

Instead, I woke up super early in the morning to make him a big, special breakfast (french toast, eggs, bacon, and coffee), and brought it to him in bed.

He’s the type to work even on his birthday, so I also made him a special packed lunch (grilled chicken sandwich with pesto, mozzarella cheese, veggies, the works, and rice on the side).

While he was at work, I cleaned his whole house.

I swept, dusted, mopped, picked up, and organized.

Then I made his favorite dinner (penne vodka) and organized a movie night of his all time favorites.

When he got home, I gave him a handwritten happy birthday card before we ate dinner and watched the movies.

Buying some random thing at a store (or, let’s be honest, on Amazon) is crazy easy – what she’s done here is full of genuine effort and love.

And it didn’t even stop there:

I also planned a surprise party that weekend with his friends and family (which I also cleaned up everything after) and I thought he had a great time, but he admitted to me yesterday that he was upset and felt unimportant because i didn’t get him an actual present.

Excuse me, what?

I reminded him about my financial situation.

He said it wasn’t about the cost of the gift, but the gesture behind giving something, and it could have been something small.

I asked him if everything else I did wasn’t enough of a gesture, and he said that wasn’t the point.

Now we’re both just upset at each other.

So, am I the [jerk] for not getting my boyfriend a physical birthday present?

Let’s check in with the comments:

Everyone was pretty much on the same page.

This is really above and beyond.

Some were very blunt:

On the one hand, if he really does prefer a trinket to all of that, well, easy birthdays from now on I guess.

But on the other hand, if he can’t be appreciative of everything you’ve done, that’s a bad sign.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.