It’s not a fun experience to talk to someone about their own funeral plans.

You both know it’s coming – no one pretends it isn’t – so you have to be sensible while you grieve, but it’s hard.

Harder still is that you’ll never be sure when this will happen.

And as this story illustrates, there’s never going to be a “good” time.

Check it out.

AITA For Choosing to Go to My Grandfathers Funeral over my unborn daughter’s 20 week ultrasound?

My wife (F 25) and I (M 26) are expecting a baby girl due in November.

We are both so excited for it!

I’ve been talking to her through my wife’s belly, being excited feeling kicks, all of the fun stuff.

3 weeks ago we scheduled the 20 week ultrasound (it’ll be closer to 22 weeks).

Meanwhile, the older generation was fading away.

The last week and a half my grandfather’s health had been slowly diminishing.

I had a talk with my father and family and were told that sometime within a week of his passing we would have the funeral.

This made my wife and I have to talk about the plan.

I was asked to be a pallbearer at the funeral.

She said she’d want to stay home with the dogs so we didn’t have to board them and that I could go by myself to the 4-4.5 hour trip up north to my fathers home town.

And then it happened.

Unfortunately, my grandfather passed away late last night/early this morning.

I called my father to make sure he was okay which he was holding on as much as one would when your father passes away.

But I was told the funeral would be held at 10 am on Wednesday… this just so happens to be the exact same day that my wife has the ultrasound.

Now his ties are being torn.

My wife is now upset that I plan to go to my grandfathers funeral instead of go to the ultrasound appointment.

I said “well we could FaceTime? But it’s my grandfather” I know FaceTime isn’t the same.

But she said “yeah, but this is your daughter”.

Now she is mad and upset at me.

I’m emotionally torn from this because I’m so excited for my baby girl but also really sad about my grandfather..

What is he to do?

I just.. I want to know if I’m the [jerk] here.

My wife’s feeling are always going to be valid, but I feel like mine aren’t being considered in this situation.

I don’t know.

Here’s what the comments had to say:

Appointments CAN be very tricky to reschedule, but it’s worth a try, right?

Your daughter will never have a memory of this ultrasound. You’ll have a memory of your grandpa’s passing.

The priorities seem clear.

Take it from her…

It’s important to remember that funerals are not for the dead.

They are for those that the deceased leave behind.

To deny ourselves and our families that part of the grieving is a big deal.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.