Few things are more pressure on a couple than naming their firstborn child, and unfortunately not everyone is respectful of the weight that accompanies that decision.

So, what would you do if you and your spouse found the perfect name? So perfect, that you kept it under lock and key, only for your brother and SIL to find and steal it for their own child right before yours was born?

In this story a new father found himself having to navigate this situation. Here’s what happened.

AITA for silently changing my son’s name after my brother and SIL gave my nephew the name too?

My wife and I had our son 4 months ago. We had a name chosen early in her pregnancy.

We kept that name to ourselves but my SIL (married to my brother) found it out when she was still pregnant with my nephew (almost 7 months old). She never said how. She just told us she loved the name, congrats and she couldn’t wait to meet him. We assume she snooped because she was not told.

I even mentioned it to my brother and he said that his wife does like to browse through people’s things like it was no biggie.

This gesture can potentially be written off as nice as first.

Then when my nephew was born they announced his name and it was the name we chose. First, middle and last name.

My brother called right after SIL posted the announcement and he told me to keep quiet because his wife had a rough birth and she didn’t need drama and he knew we might not like it but she really wanted the name.

Is the brother really just looking out for his wife? Or trying to prevent reasonable conflict?

Her reason? My brother and I have matching twin-like names and SIL wanted to connect our two boys by just giving them the same name so they were each other’s namesake.

My wife and I talked it over and we decided to pick a different name. But we’d pretend to keep the original name until there was zero risk of SIL changing my nephew’s name (6 months after a birth is harder to make a change in our state).

After waiting an appropriate amount of time, they did the only thing a couple here really can do.

We only started telling people the true name last week. My parents and sisters said it made sense. Friends and my ILs understood why we did it.

My brother told me I upset his wife by silently doing this and taking away her choice to match the boys. He told me it was a jerk move. I told him his wife using the full name we chose was a jerk move.

I asked him if he considered how much tougher it would be with both boys enrolled in the same schools with the very same name. Not to mention banking, doctors, dental all kinds of stuff.

He told me plenty of people have the same name and it’s not a big deal and it’s harder to mix up now and we’re just trying to gatekeep names.

Yikes. Definitely not the kind of thing you’d expect your brother to say.

I think he’s cray. So does my wife.

She said he clearly doesn’t want SIL to be mad.

But AITA for what I did? Like are we weird for thinking of this kind of stuff?

This is certainly a unique dilemma. Let’s see how the Reddit community weighed in.

The top commenter brought into question why the brother was outraged at his own brother’s right to privacy, but not his wife’s tendency of invading it.

Most folks agreed with the top commenter, taking the time to respond and empathize that the son deserves an identity of his own.

This person brought into question the brother’s use of the term gatekeeping, and why that doesn’t seem to apply here much.

Some people even recommended that he should circumvent his brother entirely, and directly confront his SIL.

Most people went as far as to completely call into question the brother and SIL’s intelligence.

Family reunions are going to be tense over the next couple of years.

If you liked that story, check out this post about a group of employees who got together and why working from home was a good financial decision.