It’s so hard to know how to grieve.

It’s hard as an individual, it’s nearly impossible to understand collectively.

If a loved one died on your birthday, would you still celebrate your birthday?

That’s the sad situation one woman is grabbling with in this story.

Let’s find out what she’s considering doing.

AITA for refusing to celebrate my sister’s birthday on our late father’s birthday?

Last year, my father was put on a ventilator and went into a coma on August 31.

Despite all medical efforts, it became clear by September 2 that there was no hope of recovery.

My younger sister (F32) and I were faced with the heartbreaking decision of when to remove life support.

An absolutely horrible, impossible situation to be in.

Here’s where it got even more complicated: September 2 is also my sister’s birthday.

I didn’t want her to associate her birthday with the trauma of losing our father every year, so I gently asked her whether she’d prefer we wait until September 3 to remove the medical assistance, just so the dates wouldn’t overlap.

To her credit, she responded with a lot of strength and grace. She said she didn’t want to prolong our father’s suffering and agreed to proceed on September 2.

We removed ECMO support that afternoon, and he passed away shortly after.

This is understandable.

Now it’s the following year—her first birthday since our father’s death—and she’s told me she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday on September 2 ever again, which I completely understand.

I told her we could skip celebrating for a year or two and instead use that day to remember our father.

This does not sound reasonable.

But she has taken it further—she now wants to celebrate her birthday on April 6, which was our father’s birthday.

I told her that didn’t make any sense to me. That’s a day I’d prefer to commemorate him, not repurpose for birthday celebrations. It’s not even close to her actual birth month.

I felt like it would be emotionally confusing and kind of disrespectful to the memory of the man whose birthday it actually is.

Now they’re at an impasse.

I told her I wouldn’t be part of celebrating her birthday on that day.

She says I’m being inflexible and selfish, but to me, it feels like I’m just trying to keep both their memories clear and separate.

So… AITA for refusing to celebrate my sister’s birthday on our late father’s birthday?

Is his sister wrong to want to celebrate her birthday on her father’s birthday?

Let’s see what the comments on Reddit make of this:

This person is on the sister’s side.

Most thought this was going to take some time to work through.

Though perhaps some compromise is needed.

Grief, man.

This will be a hard year, no matter what.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.