Where you do you draw the line on keeping secrets when you’re married?

A lifelong friendship meets a lifelong marriage, and suddenly the lines get blurry.

One man expects a “bro code” where wives aren’t told a thing, while the other believes total transparency is the only path to a happy marriage.

When the clash came to a head, things got… awkward. Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for telling my friend I share everything with my wife and I don’t believe in bro code?

My friend and I have been friends for twenty-five years. We know eachother well. We’re both happily married. We never really dive into deep talks or anything like that.

He has said things before that really weren’t appropriate about women (not cheating or anything) and says haha bro code.

I have told him forever that I don’t believe in bro code. IMO if you can’t say something in front of your wife then you either shouldn’t be saying it, you should work on your communication, or you’re not as compatible as you thought.

Fair.

Plus I’m not protecting someone if they do something that goes against my own personal moral code. I mean if he hurt someone I’d be there with a shovel and a hole and not tell anyone, there’s always exceptions.

Much later he wanted to talk to me about something and told me it was in confidence and I told him again, something he already knew, that anything he tells me he’s telling my wife too.

They have also known eachother nearly twenty years and get along great. We lived together for almost a decade – any time he wanted to talk about something he’d go to her and he knew that she’d tell me.

Communication is really important in marriage.

There’s nothing I don’t tell my wife. Same for her. We both believe communication and openness are the key to a happy relationship, and we are pretty happy. We basically never argue or disagree and both of us know eachother down to the core.

So this last time after telling him again that anything he confides in me will also go to my wife, he got upset.

He contacted all of our friends and asked them if they’d go running to their wives when someone confided in them and they’re all on his side.

He’s really trying to prove a point…

I understand that it’s not normal, but he has always known this, so it’s not like it’s a surprise.

AITA for not wanting to keep secrets from my wife and being open about that?

He expected old rules to apply, but he knows there’s no hiding from a committed partnership.

Whose side is Reddit on?

This person thinks the whole thing is ridiculous.

This person also votes YTA.

And this person says OP is just a flat out bad friend.

Secrets aren’t sacred—unless your marriage says otherwise.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.