Money can bring out trust issues faster than almost anything else in a marriage.

So, what would you do if your late spouse left money specifically for your oldest child, and your new partner wanted to know how much was in that account so she could “balance things out” for all the kids?

Would you give in to her? Or would you hold true on the promise you already made?

In the following story, one husband finds himself in this scenario and opts for the latter.

Here’s what happened.

AITAH because I won’t tell my wife what my son/her stepson has in savings from my late wife?

My wife (40s) and I (40s) have a blended family. I have a 16-year-old son with my late wife. My wife has a 13-year-old daughter and a 12-year-old son with her ex-husband, and they share custody. We have a 4 and a 2 year old together.

When my late wife was sick, she told me she wanted a % of the compensation she was issued for her medical misdiagnosis to go to our son’s savings. She also had a second savings account she wanted to add to it.

This was on top of what the two of us had saved for him before her illness.

I honored her wishes, and I continued saving for our son’s future. This is a promise I made to my late wife that I have stood by. I also promised I would protect it and make sure it was only ever for him, nobody else.

Saving money for their kids has always been a priority.

When my present wife and I started seriously dating, we talked about what saving would look like for our kids if/when we married. She knew I had always saved, as had my late wife.

We didn’t discuss how much either of us had saved for our existing kids, but we agreed to an amount every month that would be saved for all three, and this was talked about again when we had children together.

Recently, my wife has been under a lot of stress. Her ex has refused to discuss my stepkids’ savings and whether he pays anything or not.

She also feels like we haven’t been able to save enough every month, like promised, because it was just one thing after another. There are months we’ve missed because of things beyond our control,life stuff, mostly, like things breaking, etc.

Now, she wants to know about his oldest son’s money.

A few weeks ago, my wife told me we should put all the cards on the table, discuss what all five kids have, and decide how we should proceed to make sure everyone gets what they need for the future.

I told her I would happily discuss what I have saved for my oldest, but I would not discuss the money his mom left. She pushed back on it and said all the money should be taken into consideration.

I told her we don’t know what all the money is. I said our parents could be saving money for the kids’ futures, her ex could have money for my stepkids, and his parents could have money for my stepkids.

We can’t say for certain what everyone will have at the end, and it’s only fair to discuss what she and I have and can save.

His wife even suggested compiling all the money and then splitting it fairly among all the kids.

She told me it sounds like I don’t trust her. I responded by asking why she wants to know this so badly. By only talking about what we’ve saved, we’re on an even footing.

She told me that if we knew everything, we could focus on the kids who would have a little less. She said our younger two are probably going to be the worst off long term, and she would be open to combining all the money and dividing it.

I told her I was not on board with that, and what my son has from his mom is not going to be shared or used for any of the other kids.

Ultimately, he feels like the money belongs to his son, not him or his new wife.

We argued about it, but I refused to say. She feels like that’s wrong when we’re married. I told her it’s not my money, nor is it her money or money that we can or should be accessing.

It’s from my late wife to our son, and that’s all there is to it.

My wife said she feels like I’m keeping her in the dark and not trusting her with something important. She said it limits her ability to fully engage in conversations we need to have and decisions we need to make as a couple.

AITA?

Yikes! It’s easy to see why she wants to know, but he already had a plan in place with that money.

Let’s check out how the folks over at Reddit think he should handle this issue.

This reader agrees with him and offers a solution.

This person wants to know what his wife gains by knowing the amount of money.

Here’s an interesting thought.

For this person, their uncle stole money from his kids, and it didn’t end well for him.

His wife needs to get over it.

Regardless of how much money is in the account, it belongs to his oldest child. Not her and not the other kids.

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.