A 35-year-old mom says her ex, who was barely involved in their daughter’s life for years, has suddenly remarried and now wants more custody.

She already allowed every-other-weekend visits, but now he and his new wife expect her to drive long distances, switch schools, and reshape their daughter’s routine to fit their household—all after years of absence.

Read on for the story.

AITAH for not completely changing my kids life just do accommodate her father?

I (35f) was with my ex Tom (40m) for a few years before having our daughter 10f, when she was a few weeks old he moved out and in with some other girl and has rarely been involved.

I finally put him on child support a few years ago and you’d think he was father of the year for paying $300 a month.

He never really had custody, I NEVER kept her from him but I wasn’t going to chase him around trying to force him to be involved.

No way.

Last year he remarried Peggy (45f) and is now asking for more custody.

Obviously I talked to my daughter’s therapist and agreed to every other weekend for now, I’m not forcing my kid to change her life just because Tom now wants to play family.

The problem is that Tom and Peggy’s house is just miserable for my daughter. I’m trying to keep her positive about it but honestly? They’re just not the kind of people or behaviors she’s used to.

So not fun.

They yell a lot, don’t care about hygiene or keeping a clean house (nothing CPS would do anything about but does not meet normal standards much less mine), and she hates Peggy’s kids.

There are five but two are older and on their own, but she has a son 17, daughter 12 and a son my daughter’s age and they’re basically feral. Just no supervision over there, always on their phones, so structure. Oh, and Peggy is an antivaxxer so there’s that whole situation.

My daughter plays soccer and they were 45 minutes late to the game last weekend and didn’t think it was that big of a deal! She was texting me freaking out that she’d be late and when I called Tom he screamed at ME for calling.

Oh, she’s THAT person.

Tom and Peggy also live out in the boonies, it’s about a 25-30min drive from my house to theirs. I told him when he started coming around that I had no intention of driving hours or changing any aspects of our lives to accommodate him and he promised it wouldn’t be a problem.

Now here we are, and he’s saying we need to set up a meeting point or switch off hand overs.

I’m already angry that my daughter needs to be in a car for so long just because Peggy “needs to have a lot of property.” I told him no way, he was the one that chose to live so far from us, he can do the driving.

Nooo way.

Finally, his most outrageous request has been to TAKE MY KID OUT OF HER SCHOOL.

She got into our district’s competitive magnet school, it’s not easy and we both worked hard for it (me just filling out the forms and setting up meetings, she got in on her own merits).

Tom says that his stepkids (that apparently he’s adopting btw lol) are jealous of what my daughter gets to do at school and he wants to enroll her in their public school. NOT happening.

Wowwww.

My daughter has male role models, ones who actually care about her well-being and not just social media clout.

Tom can say he’ll go to court but I’ll believe that when I see it, he has no gumption and honestly I doubt a judge would side with him anyways.

I have always had full custody, have never kept her from him, but need to stick up for my kid… but does that make me the AH?

Reddit overwhelmingly said she’s NTA—her daughter’s stability, school, and well-being come first, and it’s unreasonable for an uninvolved father to suddenly demand major changes on his terms.

This person says to lawyer up.

This person thinks this whole thing is WILD.

And this person has a good suggestion.

You don’t get to skip a decade of parenting and then rewrite the rules when it suits you.

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