Imagine marrying someone who already has kids, but their other parent isn’t really in the picture on a consistent basis.

If the kids were nice to you and treated you like a parent most of the time but were mean to you when their other parent was around, would you be understanding, or would you stand up for yourself?

In this story, one stepmom is dealing with his exact situation, and she decided to stand up for herself.

However, she’s wondering if her words were too harsh.

Let’s read the whole story.

Aitah for telling my stepkids that I no longer view them as my kids?

I’m 36f and my husband is 42m and has 2 daughters who are 16 and 13.

My husband and I have been together for 8 years.

For some context The girls have a mom who’s just not active in their life, she comes around once a year or every other year and stays for 2 to 3 months and then leaves.

They treat her differently when their mom’s around.

The problem is when she comes in town the girls change, for example after me and their dad got married they started calling me mom as they felt I was their mom, but when their mom came back they would stop and call her mom and push me to the side.

I understood why they did that then as they were young and confused and was trying to please her.

We put them in therapy and their therapist had them apologize and they tried to explain it.

The next two times it happened she told me to try and have a talk with them.

This time, the girls’ behavior got even worse.

Their mom decided not to come for the next 2 years and it was a really peaceful 2 years the kids were good enjoying school their new brother and were just happy.

This year their mom decided to come. She came in August and stayed until about a week ago.

This time when she came the girls changed completely it started with not calling me mom, to saying disrespectful things to me and their dad, to them telling their brother they didn’t like him and that he wasn’t their real brother, and some other stuff, but the main thing they said that really hurt was I wasn’t their mom and that I would never be and that I’m a bad step mom and their mom is their only mom.

She decided to make a change.

So last week when their mom left, they slowly tried to crawl back and tried to start calling me mom again.

And I told them I didn’t want them to call me that anymore.

They looked shocked when I said that and asked why.

She threw their words back at them.

I told them that they told me multiple times that I’m not their mom and that I’m a bad step mom and that their mom is only their mom, so I said I no longer view you as my kids.

They looked hurt and went to tell their dad what was said and he said its between us.

Their therapist thinks i was harsh but I don’t, as they are old enough to realize what’s wrong to say and what’s right. So aitah?

The stepdaughters’ mom sounds like she’s a really bad influence on them. It’s too bad their behavior changes so much when she’s around. I don’t blame OP for what she said, but where her words too harsh?

Let’s see what Reddit has to say.

I’m sure this is what is happening.

Her husband really needs to get involved.

Another person calls her husband a coward.

Here’s some more advice.

Actions, meet consequences.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.