Sometimes the person who shows up for you in life isn’t the one who’s supposed to.

So, what would you do if the woman who abandoned you as a child suddenly demanded the spotlight at your wedding, while the person who actually raised you was already by your side?

Would you give in to tradition? Or would you honor the one who truly earned that place?

In the following story, a bride-to-be finds herself in this situation and does what any self-respecting person would do.

Here’s the full scoop.

AITA for letting my dad’s best friend take the mother role at my wedding?

I’m a 23-year-old woman who is getting married in June of this year, and I’m making everything traditional so far: my dad walking me down the aisle, white dress, no kids, etc.

For some context, my dad (39) had me when he and my mom (40, who I’m just going to call Sarah here) were just teenagers.

I was something like the bachelor party, lol. And even though they tried to make things work for a while for me, they quickly realized that it was just not possible, and they simply weren’t a match.

Her father had helped Phoebe, and she never forgot.

When I was like five, my mom just decided to start again and completely gave up on maternity. She moved to the other side of the country (I live in São Paulo, and she almost went to live in the Amazon zone), and almost totally forgot she has a daughter.

She barely sent money, made calls, or made any attempt to connect with me. So I would’ve had many difficult times if it weren’t for my dad’s best friend Phoebe (now 36).

She and my dad had been friends just one year before I was born, but my dad saved her from some ******* attempt, and that made her unconditional towards him. And so she was (and is) with me.

Phoebe was always there when she was little.

Every time my dad didn’t have someone to look after me, she would. Every time we were struggling with money, she would plan something. Every time I was sick, she would stay by my side.

Even when she had her own kids, she made sure not to let me aside, and now I call them both sister and brother.

So I got this thing where I call her ‘Mom Phoebe,’ which she adores. Her husband doesn’t mind, and neither do her sons and my dad.

Eventually, her mother tried to come back into her life.

Moving forward to my 19th birthday, Sarah suddenly made a presence in my life and tried to apologize for everything. She said that we had missed a lot of time and blah blah blah.

I didn’t push her aside just to keep things at peace. I didn’t need her for anything (I even got rid of her surname when I turned 18), but I didn’t mind having her around sometimes.

Now, when I got engaged to my fiancé (24, let’s call him Nate), she started asking about wedding plans, schedule for the dress, catering, etc. I didn’t invite her over for any of these things, and I got Phoebe to help me, which she was very excited about.

Now, her mother is mad that she doesn’t get to help with the wedding planning.

And a couple of weeks ago, when we were making table arrangement with Nate, she suddenly appeared in my house to have lunch, and when she was peeking at my documents of how to sit people and saw the arrangement: the table of me and Nate, sitting with Nate’s dad, my dad, Phoebe, and her husband.

And she got furious. She immediately asked why she wasn’t on the father’s table, and what was doing that, and I quote “thief of daughters” doing by my dad’s side.

Before I could say something, Nate immediately explained that Phoebe is my real mom and that whatever we do in our wedding is our business and just our business. She stormed out of the house after that.

After that incident, she called my dad furiously and screamed at him, calling him a big, big tantrum that’s making me even wonder if inviting her is even the right choice.

AITA?

Yikes! Some people think they can do whatever they want.

Let’s check out how the folks over at Reddit think she should handle this.

For this reader, the mother already missed out.

According to this reader, her mother is a stranger to her.

This person wouldn’t even invite her.

As this comment explains, she gets to choose who sits where at her wedding.

She shouldn’t feel bad about this. Phoebe has been there for her, so it makes sense she gets to play that role.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.