Imagine owning a home, getting married, and your spouse moves in with you. Would you expect them to help pay for essential household expenses like plumbing and electrical even though they’re not on the mortgage, or would you pay for those expenses yourself?

In this story, one woman is in this situation, and every time there’s another big household expense, her husband doesn’t want to pay anything to help fix it.

Keep reading for all the details.

AITA for asking my husband to contribute $ to expenses on the house we live in, even though he’s not a homeowner?

AITA for asking my husband to contribute $ to expenses on the house we live in, even though he’s not a homeowner?

I’ve owned my home for 8 years, my husband and I have been together for 6 and married for 3.

When we got married, I was making a lot more $ than him and he couldn’t afford to get our own home so he moved into mine.

We looked into adding him to the house deed/mortgage but were advised against it by the bank folks since his credit was bad and I had already refinanced mid-pandemic for an amazingly low interest rate.

They got their plan in writing.

So we put into our prenup that he would pay rent and in the event of a divorce (which is not the plan of course!) the house would remain legally mine since I had put in the down payment and a few years of mortgage payments already.

The goal when we married was to save and then move, buying a home together.

I’ve saved enough for a down payment a few times but he never has, and I didn’t want to just front all the money for another house when it’s important to both of us for it to be “ours.”

After taxes, their income is pretty similar.

Today, my husband has a great full-time job as a software developer and a salary of $95K.

I still make a bit more than him but I’m a journalist and 1099 contractor so my income is more unpredictable and I also have to pay wayyyy more in taxes.

Income-wise it seems like it evens out, but still, we run into trouble with any type of expenses for the house.

She pays for a lot of extras.

There are certain things that I always pay 100% myself, like house cleaners and landscaping, because they are “nice to haves” and not necessities. (I also pay for our kids’ swim and dance lessons on my own, bc my husband also sees them as non-necessities. (Dance sure, but I would argue learning how to swim is pretty essential. BUT anyway).

So those are the expenses I’ve agreed to take on all on my own, even though.

But when the plumbing needs to be replaced, or our kids crack the bathtub and we need a new one, my husband falls back on the “it’s not technically my house” excuse and we often end up in huge fights because he refuses to contribute to a multi-thousand-dollar expense that is definitely a necessity for our family.

I think her husband complains jut to try to get out of paying.

We will talk in circles: He will say living in this “fancy” house (a 1900 sq ft bungalow from 1940, in a city, which I bought for $320K) is my choice, and if it weren’t for me he wouldn’t live somewhere like this — but I find that hard to believe bc there are few places cheaper in our city where a family of 4 could fit.

Our boys share a bedroom.

Plus, the whole reason we live here is bc I already owned the home when we met, and my husband has never been able to afford to go in on a new place of our own.

She’s sick of the fights.

He usually relents and contributes some smaller dollar amount eventually, but it’s always a fight first and it’s exhausting.

Right now, I just found out our entire roof needs new shingles and I am dreading the fight if I ask my husband for any help paying for this expense. AITA?

Maybe they need to get this in writing too so that it’s not always a fight. If the expense for the house is essential (bathroom, roof, electrical, etc), they split in an a predetermined percentage, 50/50, 75/25, something.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

Here’s a recommendation to get a joint bank account for household expenses.

She needs to think of herself as a landlord.

It really would be better if they owned a home together.

Nobody thinks he should be expected to pay for repairs, but dance classes are a different story.

If they don’t work this out, their marriage won’t last.

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