When parents die, a lot of responsibility can be left on the children, especially when they are young adults.

What would you do if you were the older brother, and after your parents died, you had to help raise your siblings, but you didn’t want to pay for your sister’s wedding to a guy you didn’t approve of?

That is the situation that the brother in this story is in, and even though he helped pay for the other sister’s wedding, he is refusing to pay for this one, which is causing some drama.

AITA for refusing to pay for my sister’s wedding?

I (26M) am the eldest of four siblings – Liam(17M), Rose(23F) and May(20F).

It is often the most difficult on the spouse.

I lost my father six years ago, and it was hard on all of us, but it didn’t seem to crush anyone as bad as my mother.

It was brutal, she didn’t last long without him.

Sometimes you do what you have to do in order to survive.

With no one else taking care of us, I took a part time job until I graduated and then joined my campus placement instead of Master’s like I always wanted to.

We managed, since Rose joined a good local college which was government funded so the fees were not too high and the FD our father started for her wedding managed to pay for the whole degree.

That is kind to

There was still a bit left, I used it along with what I myself started saving for her to pay for her wedding.

She found a good guy, respectful, kind, smart, hardworking, stable job, the kind who could take good care of her and loved her. Of course, we all loved him, he was her dream guy and the kind our father would approve of. All was well.

It doesn’t seem like they are as happy about this.

Now, May brought this guy home, and informed us she plans to marry him. Soon.

He has no promise of graduating this year either (he should have done so last year) and is receiving pocket money from parents.

Yeah, this guy sounds like a loser.

He doesn’t have a job and isn’t managing to get a stable one either.

I wouldn’t be so wary if May was trustworthy, but she isn’t. She is no position to manage interviews and a job, neither are her grades good enough to push her into Masters.

Some people have to make their own mistakes.

I told her this is not a good idea, but she is in no mood to listen. Her argument is that Rose was her age when I got her married.

I told her Rose landed most interviews she tried and managed our household finances to a good extent by herself, she was ready for it.

Sadly, people that age generally don’t listen to good advice.

May isn’t. She isn’t listening to me. She said “Fine. Hate him all you want, don’t give us your permission or blessing. Just pay and get done with it.”

I said I won’t pay for her wedding because:

It would likely be a waste of money.

1. I hardly have the money – I used up all the money our father set aside for her future into her college fees and my FD hasn’t matured yet
2. Even if I were to break it or take a loan, it’s an unwise decision on her part that I don’t support
3. I’m trying to save up for my kids’ futures and such a big expense is not the way to do so
4. Medical bills are draining my income as is and paying for her wedding will be taxing

He has no obligation to pay for the wedding.

I know it’s not fair since I paid for Rose’s wedding, but I didn’t have to spend that much on her college since it was a very good one and could use some of that fund in the wedding.

Not to mention Rose herself helped managed finances and she saved us a good bit, which is why I could pay for her, I didn’t and don’t have a lumpsum liquid cash lying around.

So, AITA?

As the brother, he has no obligation to waste money on a wedding he doesn’t think is a good idea.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Her future husband needs to step up.

He doesn’t owe her a thing.

This person went through something similar.

It may be unfair, but life is that way sometimes.

Yup, she can pay for it herself.

While unfair, he is not wrong for refusing to pay.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.