Growing up sometimes means realizing your definition of privacy does not match your parents’ expectations.

Imagine your parent demanded access to your college email account because they were helping pay for school and wanted to “check on things.” How would you handle it? Would you give them access? Or would you draw a line even if it means causing drama?

In the following story, one college student finds herself in this scenario and decides not to share. Here’s what happened.

AITA For Not Wanting to Share my Email Login With My Parent?

I recently got into college, and my parent, who has been very involved in the college application process, has requested that I give her my college email and password so she can “check on things.”

When I said no, she got upset and questioned why she even cared for my college and why she was paying for it if she couldn’t have access to everything.

I can see where she is coming from, especially if it’s a slightly misconstrued version of the culture and environment she grew up in, but the thing is, I grew up in the US, so I grew up with slightly different ideals.

The mother feels betrayed.

I’m fine with sharing my grades, transcripts, and status updates on how I’m doing, but I’m not sure about giving her my email.

She’s done this kind of thing before, where she questions why she’s done things for me, like driving me to school or making me food, and I really do feel for her because this wasn’t what she was expecting out of parenthood.

She feels betrayed that I don’t want her to know every detail of her life because she’s scared that I’ll do something she disapproves of, but it makes me hide things more.

She tries to reason with her mother, but it doesn’t work.

I asked her why she had done these things for me, and she responded that it was because she felt the need to.

I say, “Okay, and why?” And she redirects.

My point I was trying to show her was that it was because she had chosen to have a kid, and some of it is part of the parent-child relationship.

Now, she’s not sure what to do.

I also pointed out that she didn’t need to pay for my college if it really weighed on her that much. She had offered it first, and I had been grateful, but if it was really that stressful, I could take over.

I know that when my parents had me, they thought it would be fun and that I would be a mini-me they could dress up and talk about, and sometimes I wonder how much of that still affects our relationship to this day.

I know I sound ungrateful, but I feel there is a line on what I owe her, and one of those things is that I don’t owe her my email login credentials.

AITA?

Wow! The mother sounds like something else.

Let’s see what advice Reddit readers have to offer her.

This may be pushing it a little.

Here are the thoughts of another parent.

Here’s an interesting point.

This reader works at a university.

This is totally up to her, but if she chooses not to share, she should look into getting a parent account made for her mother.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.