Home life can be a struggle when you are an adult living with your parent. You probably have a shorter fuse and also probably have childhood baggage.

See why nothing seems to make it easier for this person living at her dad’s house.

AITAH for not wanting to care for my elderly father any more?

I have moved back to my family home 3 years ago. This happened right as I had to finish college and my parents didn’t/couldn’t support me financially any more to just finish my exams.

I had 2 part-time jobs, a place of my own, and had every opportunity for permanent work back then with which I could have become independent. I listened to them because “parents want what’s best for me.”

Her life is very difficult for other reasons, too.

I never got well along with my family on many things. My mom has narcissistic behaviours, but is getting much better, and my dad is diagnosed by family as having “old man brain,” whatever that entails.

The situation at home was difficult and stressful with constant arguments and, while all 3 family members worked, (I mixed remote and physical work and still had 2 jobs essentially) it was up to me to keep the home clean and make food for my mother and myself.

Because of this, I burnt out like a matchstick and was unable to finish college.

My mom ended up moving away 8 months after my move in due to family matters, leaving me alone with my dad.

At least my dad built me a small 4²m-ish room within our apartment and we chose to split costs so I can focus on a single job. Unfortunately, my town is incredibly small and even now you can find two job listings in total.

The drama gets worse from here.

I had times of unemployment and bad side jobs, but I manage my money well and have never needed to ask my family for money during these few years.

My dad, unfortunately, still works at this old age too, because he finances my elder sister and her family of 5, and he needs to help out my mother where she lives.

Now the problem starts with home care. Our home is 42²m in size, which is perfectly manageable for me. When my dad is away visiting my mom, it’s clean and tidy, and I manage it well enough I believe.

However, my dad is nothing short of a slob. He walks through the home in his work shoes and spreads dirt everywhere each morning and afternoon. He doesn’t wipe anything which he spills on the floor, countertops, or stove.

He doesn’t clean his own dishes, or do his own laundry, and he has picked up the vacuum once this year when I was away for a month in psych inpatient for severe bipolar disorder.

While my dad isn’t visiting my mother, the house genuinely starts falling in disarray. It doesn’t help that he has immense quarrel with me vacuuming or cleaning while he’s around because I “make noise.”

I can only clean in late afternoons when I’m off work for the day.

This is the biggest trigger for her.

The biggest problem of all is that my dad ALWAYS does the opposite of what you want/need/ask for.

If I am to ask to please hang laundry inside because it will rain, he hangs it outside, but when it’s sunny he’s suddenly too embarrassed to hang laundry where neighbours “could see him” and hangs it inside.

If I want a window open in MY room, he demands I close it and when I keep it closed he demands I open it. This once even lead to an argument where I was kicked out and homeless for about a month.

As usual, we argue, and I end up telling him to just leave it and let me do it instead, and I begin taking my clothes back inside. At this, he mutters that I’m crazy and at this point, I honestly explode.

I have BPD, and despite therapy and medication, I can only do so much to genuinely hold back a reaction against someone that combative.

I finally snapped yesterday, and told my father this is the last time I even touch his clothes and from now on, we each strictly clean and dry our own laundry, when and how we want. This seems utterly reasonable to me since we CAN’T get along.

But this decision didn’t lead to peace.

My father replied that, in that case, I may take my laundry to the laundromat, which is 12 km away. I completely brush this off, because my dad doesn’t know how to even turn the knob to change the modes, let alone anything else.

He is obviously trying to be spiteful, threatening I’ll have to drive myself around and he won’t do XYZ, but I’m saving for a license and car solo, not like he’s even aiding me.

My mother finds me heartless and horrible, because “that is still your father and he’s worked his butt off to finance you when you were a child.”

My whole family is adamant about old members being put in care homes, because we believe nothing compares to the skill and care a caretaker/nurse can give. My dad isn’t even being considered for this as he provides for the rest of the family.

I want people to tell me honestly, because I have BPD and this horribly messes with my perception and feelings toward things. AITA?

Here is what folks are saying.

Not good at all!

I have a feeling, too.

Literally her own sanity is at risk.

I bet it’s very common.

I wonder why they don’t chip in.

Health must come first.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.