You can’t force specific types of relationships just because it makes someone else feel better.

So, what would you do if your kids corrected people by telling them their stepfather isn’t their dad, and your ex expected you to step in and correct their behavior?

Would you do what your ex wants? Or would you let your kids decide how they want to label that relationship?

In the following story, one dad finds himself in this situation and leans toward the latter.

Here’s what happened.

AITAH for doing nothing when my kids said their stepdad isn’t their dad?

I (33m) share two children with my ex-wife (33f). We divorced with 2 under 2, and she remarried a couple of years later. So her husband has been in the lives of the kids since they were preschoolers.

My ex-wife and I share custody, and I am a very involved dad. Their stepdad is also very involved, and he and my ex-wife see him as my kids’ second father.

I never liked that and never encouraged them to see him as their second father. I never discouraged it either. I just kept my thoughts on the topic away from my kids because, ultimately, whether I like it or not, the decision should be theirs. Not mine, not their mom’s, and not anyone else’s.

The kids correct people if they mess it up.

The kids are now a bit older, and they do not call their stepdad anything other than his name, and when they say dad they mean me. But not everyone gets this all the time, and there are times someone has asked them to ask their dad, but they meant their stepdad.

They will tell the person then that he’s not their dad and I am. This happened at their school’s Christmas fair, and I was there as was their stepdad when they told someone he wasn’t their dad.

I said nothing, and it ****** off the stepdad. He told my ex-wife, and she got mad about it.

Then, at a custody exchange more than a week ago, my ex-wife said something to our kids about her husband being their dad. I was too far away to hear most of it, and the only reason I became aware of what was being discussed is that my ex-wife became very loud when she scolded them for saying he wasn’t their dad.

He would feel the same if the situation were reversed.

She berated me for saying nothing when they denied her husband was their dad, too. She told me I should be nipping it in the bud and lifting up the man who loves our kids and wants to be there as a third parent and second father to them.

I see it as the truth, however, and I have no problem with them saying this. I’d feel the same way if I had a wife who was acting as their stepmom. She wouldn’t be their new mom unless they felt she was.

She would be their stepmom, and my stance is the same with their stepdad. But my ex and her husband don’t like this, and they say I’m ruining what should be an equally important relationship to the kids by not correcting them.

AITA?

Eek! It’s easy to see both sides, but maybe it should be up to the kids.

Let’s see how the people over at Reddit feel about blended families like this.

This stepfather thinks the ex-wife is wrong.

That’s usually how it goes.

Here’s a woman who had kids and remarried.

This may be going a little far.

He’s right on this one.

It should definitely be up to his kids.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.