This Christmas is already emotionally heavy after her father-in-law passed away unexpectedly just a month ago.

Her husband’s family wants one simple thing this year: to be together. At the same time, her own family treats Christmas like a full-day production, and her mom has a long history of being controlling.

When she mentioned splitting the day between both families, the response was immediate…and not supportive.

AITA for splitting time between two families on Christmas

For some context, this Christmas is a little rough. My father in law passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly about a month ago, so the holiday season is a bit hard for my husbands family.

My mom, on the other hand, is mother freaking Christmas. This is the only holiday my family really celebrates, and she goes hard.

It’s just my parents, my sisters family, and my family (which consists of myself, my husband, my 1.5yr old daughter, and a son on the way)

Sounds like a nice time?

They’re generally early eaters, and festivities are generally done by 3-4pm as we are in a state that’s snowy and deer come out after dark. My mom also has a history of being quite controlling.

Over the last two years or so, I’ve been giving her a ton more pushback because I’m an adult and I won’t let her walk all over me.

The two families also do not get along….like at all.

Oh, so not a nice time, actually.

Well here it goes. I (26F) have been texting my mom all day about gifts and family and Christmas related things.

She then sent a text to our family group text with just herself, my sister, and me, asking what we were thinking for food. I asked what time she was planning, as lunch might be a lighter meal.

She replied and said “whatever time, idk what everyone’s plans are”. I told her that I was planning on coming morning/afternoon and then leaving to my in-laws around dinner time. Her reply to this was just “No”.

LOL.

I then received an individual text from my sister saying “I love you but I wouldn’t have put that out there”.

I told my sister that I’m not going to tiptoe around her feelings. In previous years, we have missed dinner at his families just to make her happy. That’s not an option this year because the only thing his mom wants is her family all together.

She hasn’t said anything since the “no” text but I can feel it coming.

Wow.

I did respond in the group text saying “okay so what’s everyone else’s plan?”.

Also for context, my sister has festivities with her husbands family on Christmas Eve, and her daughter goes with her bio dad on Christmas Eve so the holiday can not be moved to that day. Nobody else has any scheduling restrictions on Christmas Day except for us.

The only reason I think I could be the AH is for asking them to bump the plans just a bit earlier, but I also don’t see why they can’t if nobody else has restrictions.

Now she’s left wondering if asking for a small adjustment, especially when no one else has scheduling conflicts, makes her selfish, or if she’s finally just setting a reasonable boundary.

This person feels terrible for OP (who is obviously NTA).

This person has a suggestion for Mom.

And this person says Mom needs to be more flexible…NOT OP’s fault.

Wanting to show up for both families on a hard holiday isn’t selfish, but refusing to compromise definitely sends a message.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.