Caregiver burnout is one of those things people rarely talk about honestly because the second you admit you’re exhausted, guilty feelings come crashing in right behind it.

This woman rushed from Oregon to California after her brother became critically ill and nearly died. For over two months, she and her mother have basically rotated twelve-hour hospital shifts so he’s never alone. During the worst of it, he was heavily sedated and completely unconscious for five weeks. Now that he’s awake, though, things have become emotionally and physically exhausting in a different way.

Her brother can barely move, needs constant help, and is understandably angry, frustrated, hungry, and scared after losing massive amounts of weight and muscle during his hospitalization. But despite trying to stay empathetic, OP admits he’s also become demanding and disrespectful toward her while the rest of their siblings contribute very little.

Now, after months away from home, work, her boyfriend, and even her dogs, she wants to leave—and feels horrible for it.

AITA for wanting to go back to my life after spending 2 months at the hospital by my brothers side

Hi would I (29F) be the asshole for wanting to go home after spending a little over 2 months by my brother’s (45M) side at the hospital?

So my brother got really sick to the point where we thought he was going to die. Thankfully he did not, he is doing much better now. For 5 of those weeks he was heavily sedated so he was asleep 100% of the time.

He’s been awake for 3 weeks now and he cannot move much. Due to him being in bed for so long he has lost a lot of muscle mass, and can barely move so right now he is completely dependent on us (me and my mom) and hospital staff for anything. He is going to need a lot of physical therapy, Dr said he’s looking at about a year of it before he can be normal again.

Wow.

Ok so since I have been here for 2 months and since my brother has woken up he is very needy, (of course cuz he can’t really move on his own rn) and also he’s mean to.

He is disrespectful towards me when all I do is help him. Mind you we have 3 other siblings who can pull the weight more but don’t. I have mentioned to them several times I am tired.

Being around my brother and helping him is exhausting. I am at the hospital for 12 hours because he doesn’t want to be alone. Our mother is here the other 12 hours.

That sounds terrible.

While he was asleep it wasn’t as tiring but now that he is awake, every 5 seconds he needs something.

He is frustrated, sad, and angry (I try to understand and be empathetic because he is NPO except ice chips and he’s a big guy ~350 lbs, so he’s starving and thirsty but he is getting nutrition and hydration thru a feeding tube).

And he has lost quite a bit of pounds he was over 400 lbs when he entered the hospital. He’s been hospitalized since January.

It just keeps getting worse.

Anyways I want to go home (I live in Oregon and came done to California to be here). My brother is going to be fine, he is no longer in danger of dying anymore. He needs a lot of rehabilitation and well I want to go back home. I miss my dogs and my boyfriend and my job.

I know me leaving, all my family is going to be mad at me but like they can come and also do shifts like how me and my mom are doing it to keep him sane. But they choose not to.

Anyways WIBTA for wanting to go back home after being here for 2 months?

Reddit overwhelmingly leaned NTA, with many commenters saying OP has already gone far beyond what most people would realistically be capable of doing. Spending two straight months essentially living at a hospital and providing round-the-clock emotional support is an enormous sacrifice, especially while balancing the stress of watching someone nearly die.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who refuses to continue to enable her siblings financially, even though their mother expects her to do just that.

A lot of people also pointed out that her brother’s recovery is no longer in the emergency phase. While his rehabilitation will clearly be long and difficult, commenters stressed that one person cannot completely pause their own life indefinitely just because a loved one still needs care. Many were especially frustrated that the other siblings seemed comfortable letting OP and their mother shoulder almost all the responsibility alone.

The general consensus was that wanting to go home does not mean OP loves her brother any less—it means she’s human and completely exhausted.

This person says NTA at all.

This person has some good advice.

This person says to just get back to her life and not look back.

At some point, “being there for family” stops being support and starts becoming a full-time unpaid residency program.