If you grew up never knowing your dad but knowing about your dad and spending time with your dad’s side of the family, would you still consider him your dad, or would you hope that someday your mom would remarry so that you could have a dad in your life?

In this story, one teenage girl’s dad died when her mom was pregnant with her. She never got to meet her dad, but her mom kept his memory alive and let her spend lots of time with her dad’s family. She has and always will think of her dad as her dad. She doesn’t want another dad.

The problem is that her mom remarried a few years ago, and her stepdad wants to be thought of as her dad. She had no idea he felt his way until she accidentally said something that really upset him. Now, she’s wondering if she’s wrong for what she said or how she feels or if he stepdad needs to back off.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITA for saying my mom’s husband isn’t my dad and saying I never got to meet my dad?

My dad died when my mom was pregnant with me (17f).

She told me about him growing up and we have little traditions we keep to honor him and she also named me the name he wanted for a daughter.

I always spent time with my dad’s family in the summer and they’d travel to see me or we’d travel to see them when we could.

So even though I never got to meet him I still consider him my dad, you know?

But her mom has since remarried.

When I was 13 she introduced me to James and they got married when I was 14.

To me James is my mom’s husband but I guess he sees me as his daughter and he’s been hurt for years that I call him James, that I never gave him a dad-like nickname or title.

I didn’t know about it until we went on vacation last month.

She explained to another family why she calls him James instead of dad.

My mom and James met this couple and we had dinner with their family. I was talking to their two kids who were pretty close in age to me and they asked why I called him James and wasn’t he my dad.

And I said he’s not my dad he’s married to my mom.

They asked what happened to my dad and I told him I never got to meet my dad because he died while my mom was pregnant with me.

We talked about other things.

Her mom was really upset about what she said because apparently James was really upset by what she said.

But when we got back to the resort my mom pulled me into my room and asked me why I’d say that stuff at dinner.

I had to ask her what she meant because I had no idea what was going on.

She said James’ face when I said he wasn’t my dad and when I told those kids I never got to meet my dad was heartbreaking. She told me he’s been waiting for me to acknowledge him as the dad in my life and I never do.

I told her he’s not though.

She does not agree with her mom.

She said I might have been 13 when I met him but it shouldn’t stop me from letting him be the dad who gets to be here for everything. She said as much as she misses dad she didn’t ever want me to deny myself the chance to have one.

And I told her I wasn’t denying myself anything.

Mom got frustrated and left.

It wasn’t over.

Then after we got back from vacation mom and James pulled me into a meeting and James told me how much he’d love to be more to me than James and how hurtful it was to be rejected as dad even to strangers who could’ve easily been led to believe that he was my dad.

They said I don’t need to always say he’s not or that my dad died.

I told him I was sorry that my words hurt his feelings.

And my mom said that wasn’t a good apology and that it didn’t sound like I was sorry I said those things.

Again, she made her point, which is very valid, by the way.

I said no, because James isn’t my dad and I never got to meet dad.

Ever since that afternoon mom’s talked to me about it 5 different times and James mopes whenever I’m around.

Mom said it really is hurtful to him. AITA?

He’s not her dad. He’s been in her life for about 4 years. He’s her mom’s husband. He needs to accept that. Pushing for more will only ruin whatever relationship they currently have.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who restored a vintage camera with her own money and doesn’t want to hand it over to family.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.

This person is on her side.

Another person thinks the mom is the one with the problem.

A stepdad weighs in.

Here’s a vote for therapy.

Someone needs therapy, but it’s not her! She seems to understand what’s what and be okay with the situation. She grew up without a dad. Having a stepdad added to your life when you’re already a teenager doesn’t really make it easily to suddenly bond and think of this stranger as a true member of the family.

The mom and stepdad should just be glad that she doesn’t seem to dislike James. She just doesn’t think of him as a father figure. The fact that he wants to be thought of as her dad is his problem not hers. He needs to accept her feelings instead of making her feel bad about it.