There are certain traditions when it comes to marriage. A traditional order of events would be that the man would ask the woman’s father for her hand in marriage. Then he would propose to the woman with an engagement ring.

The couple in this story is doing things out of order. They plan to pick out the engagement ring first. Then the boyfriend will propose later, and then he’ll ask her dad for her hand in marriage. They still plan to check all of those boxes but in their own way.

This is causing a lot of drama and friction between father and daughter. The dad is old school and is really upset about this out of order plan, but his daughter is upset that he’s upset. Is he right to feel the way he does, or should he accept that it is what it is? Let’s read the whole story to decide.

My Dad Try To Dim My Light About My Engagement. To Bad He Failed!

My relationship with my parents has never been great. They’re extremely narcissistic and controlling.

But thanks to my therapist and my partner, I’ve grown a lot. I’ve reached a place where our relationship is manageable, mainly because I refuse to let them disrupt my peace.

Especially not tomorrow.

This is exciting!

Tomorrow is a big day. My partner and I are meeting with a jeweler who’s going to design my engagement ring from scratch!

I’m over the moon. This is such a happy, once-in-a-lifetime moment for me, and I’ve shared it with my mom, my siblings, and a few close friends.

Everyone seemed excited, except my dad.

Apparently, he’s upset that my partner hasn’t asked for my hand in marriage yet.

But he plans to ask.

For the record, I didn’t even want my partner to ask. My family has always made me feel awful, and this tradition doesn’t hold the same weight for me.

But my partner believes it’s the right thing to do as a man, and he’s been planning to ask.

So why hasn’t it happened yet? Simple: money.

This summer has hit us hard. Unexpected cuts in work hours, financial aid delays, housing stress. It’s been overwhelming. We live eight hours away, and my dad is constantly on his boat, so planning a trip has not been easy. And the stress has taken a toll, especially on my partner.

Here’s their plan.

So I told him, before we start impending doom let’s find out how much the ring will cost. Knowing the number would help us plan, relieve some of the financial pressure, and give us a clear idea of what we’re working with, for the ring, the proposal, and the trip to my family.

We agreed whatever is left over will go to the trip to see my family then worry about the proposal AFTER asking for my hand.

The jeweler was super kind and said he could work with my partner’s budget (YAY!). But he also said that to give an exact price, he needs to meet me. He wants to see my reactions to styles, understand what makes me feel special, and craft something truly personal.

So we made the appointment for tomorrow.

Talking to her mom just made her upset.

I was talking to my parents about what outfit to wear when my mom hit me with, “Your father feels hurt he hasn’t been asked for your hand.” And I got mad.

I said, “How the hell is he supposed to afford coming down there when he doesn’t even know how much the ring will cost?”

She said, “Well, he should’ve figured it out.”

And I said, “Well this is supposed to be a happy moment. It feels like your trying to ruin it”

She replied, “We’re not ruining it. Your father just feels disrespected.”

She vented to her mom.

And I said clearly… that “ if my father feels hurt, that’s fine. He’s allowed to have feelings. But I will not sit here and let anyone paint my partner as disrespectful when he is doing everything in his power to honor me and our future. He is working, saving, and doing his best. And considering I’m your oldest daughter getting married, there should be nothing but love and support. I’m not playing tic for tat for childish games”

My mom quickly changed the subject because she knew the road I was heading on, and definitely didn’t want to be on it.

But I called my dad because I figured if I explained the story he might understand, well yea I was wrong.

She tried to explain.

I apologized and told him I was sorry if things didn’t feel traditional. I explained everything, our finances, the distance, and how my partner has every intention of asking, just not yet.

That’s when my dad launched into a full-on lecture. He said, “There are certain things a man is supposed to do. Before you even look at rings, he should come to me, sit down, and ask for your hand like a man. That’s how it’s done. I need to know that your partner understands. I don’t play about my child.”

He said it like he was giving some kind of speech. And all I could think was, you don’t play about your child? Where was that energy when I needed support growing up? When I needed someone to advocate for me? When I needed a father to protect me? I will tell you I definitely didn’t see it.

But now, because a tradition makes him feel important, suddenly he’s deeply invested.

Her dad is still upset.

Still, I stayed calm. I said, “Yes, and he still plans to ask. He’s not ignoring you. He just wants to make sure we can afford everything. He’s doing his best.”

Then I asked, “Do you honestly feel like this whole experience has been tainted?”

And he said, “Yes, I do. I’m not even supposed to know all this. I should be surprised. He should come down here, sit me down, and do it the right way.”

At that point, I said, “Okay Dad. Sorry. Love you.” And I hung up.

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She doesn’t care what her father thinks.

Because let’s be real. He’s not mad because my partner did anything wrong. He’s mad because he didn’t get his moment. He didn’t get to play the role he imagined. He didn’t get control.

But my partner is working hard every single day to build our future. And that’s what actually matters.

So no, I’m not letting my father dim this moment. Not this time. This engagement is about me and my partner, not anyone else.

And yes, I’m still going to my appointment . Whether my father approves or not is his problem not mine☺️

That’s a lot of family drama over a wedding ring!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who restored a vintage camera with her own money and doesn’t want to hand it over to family.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

This person thinks the dad is acting like a child.

This is good advice.

Another person calls her dad’s wish outdated.

Yet another person disagrees with asking the dad’s permission.

Asking the dad for permission to marry the daughter is pretty outdated, but it can still be a nice tradition to follow if it works out for you. I agree with the comment about telling the parents less though. She is clearly excited about picking out her engagement ring, but if she had realized how traditional and old fashioned they are when it comes to marriage, she could’ve simply not told them.

If her had didn’t know she was picking out her engagement ring, he wouldn’t be upset that her partner hadn’t asked for her hand in marriage yet. They could’ve kept the engagement a secret until after he asked her dad. Then there wouldn’t be any drama. Perhaps this is a lesson for her going forward to put her parents on a need to know basis. This might help make planning the wedding less stressful too.

Oversharing can really backfire.