Some family wounds stay buried for years until someone says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

When this woman watched her younger sibling be handed every academic advantage she’d been denied, her mom’s offhand praise about both kids’ accomplishments was the spark that lit the fuse.

The argument that followed was a reckoning that had been building since high school.

Read on for the full story.

AITA for resenting my parents after my brother graduated?

I’m the older sister (29F), and I have a younger brother (23M).

A few days ago, my brother passed his final engineering exam.

I called to congratulate him, told him I was proud of him, and joked that he was in for a rough ride with the job market, but that he would be okay.

We’re not really that close so it was a short call and not really emotive, but I am proud of him.

But when her mom called, the real drama started.

Later that day, my mom called me and said she was relieved that both of her children were finally done studying, and that she was proud of everything we had accomplished as college graduates.

That hit a nerve.

I reminded her that I didn’t graduate from university like my brother did.

To her, this is a huge distinction.

I went to a technical school, which is considered different from a university degree in my country.

I also have some post-graduate diplomas, but I still don’t really feel accomplished.

I didn’t even go to my graduation ceremony because my father spent years telling me technical degrees were lesser than university degrees, even though he only finished high school and dropped out of college himself.

Both my brother and I have ADHD, like my mom.

She thinks back to how difficult her and her sibling were treated when it came to school.

I struggled badly in high school and had terrible grades, but nobody really helped me study or manage it.

My brother, on the other hand, had neurologists, therapy, private tutors, and consistent academic support from childhood through university, all paid for by my parents.

My high school years and early twenties were awful. I struggled with my mental health a lot until I left home at 19 because my relationship with my father was so bad.

So she went against the grain and lived independently.

Mind you, usually here you live with your parents until you graduate university. I lived in an apartment alone because there’re no things like student-dorms.

After bouncing between a few programs, I eventually studied design at a technical school, graduated at 26, and have been working ever since.

Still, her parents have done a lot for her and their relationship isn’t as bad as it used to be.

My parents still help me financially because my partner and I don’t earn much, while they are very well-off and offer to do so.

Our relationship is better now that I don’t live with them, but I still feel a lot of resentment for how unsupported I was when I needed them most.

Her mom brings up the idea of going back to school, but she’s quick to decline.

When I told my mom this, she said I could still study something else.

I told her that wasn’t realistic right now because I’m almost 30, and my partner and I are expecting our first child.

She told me I needed to let it go and appreciate what I have now.

I got upset and hung up, and I haven’t answered her calls since.

She’s now stewing in a mix of negative emotions.

I feel angry, jealous, and guilty. I do appreciate the financial help they give me now, but part of me feels like it came too late.

I don’t know if I should apologize and be more thankful, or if I’m justified in feeling hurt by the difference between how my brother was supported and how I was left to handle things on my own.

AITA?

This is a tough one.

What did Reddit have to say?

She needs to understand that when she was growing up, it was her parents’ first time raising a kid.

This commenter doesn’t understand where this woman is coming from at all.

Maybe this woman owes her mom a little more grace.

She can’t be mad at her brother for taking an opportunity she didn’t bother to take herself.

Eventually you have to let the past be the past.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about siblings who treat every social outing like a weird competition.