She Took In Her Late Friend’s Daughter Seven Months Ago—Now One Lie Has Pushed Her To The Limit
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Grief and discipline rarely mix cleanly, and one woman is navigating both at once after taking in her late friend’s 10-year-old seven months ago, all while adjusting to a new baby of her own.
The child, who has ADHD, behavioral challenges, and an ongoing pattern of lying, has tested boundaries the woman admits she often softens rather than enforces.
The night before a planned beach trip, a three-hour standoff ended with the child ignoring a clearly stated warning and then lying about it entirely, despite insisting she’d never lie given how badly she wanted to go.
Now caught between her husband, who believes the consequence needs to actually happen, and her own guilt over punishing a grieving child so soon after loss, she’s left weighing whether following through would teach an important lesson or simply be too harsh given everything this child has already been through.
Keep reading for the full story.
WIBTA for sticking to punishment and leaving my 10y/o home for vacation
7 months ago my friend passed away, and my husband (30M) and I (29F) had to take in her 10 y/o child. I also had our first baby almost 4 months ago, and the shift has been challenging for all of us.
The path has been anything but straightforward.
10 y/o has behavioral issues, ADHD, and a lying problem. I tend to give in a lot because I feel bad for her/she will wear me down into saying yes to things.
We are supposed to leave for a trip to the beach.
She was very clear with her daughter about what she needed to do, but still her daughter disobeyed.
However, we had a bit of a standoff last night for about three hours, during which I told her explicitly and repeatedly that if she did not do what she was told, she would stay with my parents (who she is close with) and we would go without her.
Despite this, she did not do what she was told and also lied about it, after swearing up and down that she would never lie about it because she really wants to go on vacation.
Now she isn’t sure what to do next.
Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, because again, I feel bad for her, however she knew what the punishment would be and chose to lie about it.
My husband thinks we should leave her home, that I don’t stick to my word with punishments and this should teach her a lesson.
I do think going without her would be good for us and our marriage, but I feel terrible leaving her, and that maybe it would be too harsh.
Parenting is one of the hardest jobs out there.
Redditors take to the comment section.
Maybe now is not the time for harsh punishment.
Maybe it’s time to have some humility and accept that she has a lot to learn as a mother of a pre-teen.
There’s a time and a place for everything.
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If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a grandson who is tired of driving 5 hours one way to work on his grandparent’s investment property for free.
This user understands that the situation is hard for everyone involved.
Seven months isn’t very long to process the death of a parent, let alone adjust to an entirely new home, new rules, and a new baby sibling all at once.
The punishment may have been fair on paper, but it doesn’t take into account the context. A grieving child with ADHD is working with fewer tools to regulate impulses and honesty than most kids her age.
That doesn’t necessarily mean consequences should disappear, but it means the timing and delivery deserve real thought, not just enforcement for the sake of consistency.
Parenting is never easy, especially when you add grief to the picture.
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