Shutterstock

Different cultures have different expectations about how you spend your money, where you live and what family owes their family.

Once you’re married and planning to start a family of your own, do these expectations shift? Should you prioritize your new family over your siblings and parents?

The answer to that question varies from culture to culture, and in this story, a husband and wife who grew up in the same culture can’t even agree on the answer.

Now, the husband is wondering if he’s in the wrong for continuing to send his brother money to help support his parents.

Keep reading for all the details.

AITA for sending my family money even though my wife disapproves of it.

Me (32M) and my wife (27F) are happily married for the last two years and have recently been planning to start a family because of which this argument has arisen.

So in my culture there is strong expectation from children to support their parents and live with them in joint family system.

The later has started to decline now that things have changed and people often relocate to metropolitan areas for good jobs.

OP moved away from home for school and work.

The same happened with me and I had to relocate to another city for first my studies and then eventually finding a job in another larger city. While my parents remained in the hometown and refused to relocate here because of their personal factors.

As a result, my younger brother (29 M) decided to stay in our hometown to be with them and currently works as an elementary school teacher there.

I will be honest with you people, l feel really guilty for the situation as it feels like my brother has sacrificed his own career to be with the family even though as the eldest son it should be my responsibility to take care of the family.

He’s been helping out his family from afar.

Today, he earns about 30K a month, while l am earning almost 120k a month. He is taking care of our aging parents and our family house while l am living in the city.

So, to compensate for this l have been sending my family one fourth of my income so that atleast I can take care of them financially.

I send this money straight to my brother’s account and it is as much his money to spend, as it is for taking care of our parents.

Now for the problem.

My wife knows of this situation as we were married in an arranged marriage set up and apart from some disagreements, she never had a problem with it.

Now that we are trying for a baby, she has been urging me constantly to stop giving money to my brother or atleast reduce a significant amount from it. Reason being for this change is that she wants to leave her job after having our baby and she thinks we won’t be able to raise our baby sufficiently if l keep sending my money back home.

I have tried to reassure her that even if she quits her job (she earns the same as my brother), we will be able to give a good life to our child, given that we don’t spent on extravagant things.

But she is not ready to hear anything and dead set on her own viewpoint.

I don’t know what to do in this situation because when l married her, l thought we had the same values but this argument is exhausting me mentally and l am questioning what to do.

These cultural expectations sound quite different than what I’m used to. From the arranged marriage to the expectation to support your parents and living at home, this is quite different than the way I was raised.

I’m tempted to side with his wife, but again, in his culture, maybe that would be the wrong decision. Let’s see what Reddit suggests.

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

This person doesn’t think it makes sense to send his parents money.

Another person offers some advice.

This is good advice.

Another person tells him to listen to his wife.

As an American, I think his wife is right. I don’t understand OP’s cultural expectations. I don’t understand why his parents can’t support themselves. Are they too old to work?

Do his parents even need his money or is he just sending it out of guilt? I’d like to think that they’d be excited about future grandkids and would want him to provide for his new family instead of sending them money.

If he doesn’t listen to his wife, this marriage may not last.

Add TwistedSifter to your Google News Add us as a preferred source on Google

Author

Jayne Elliott

Jayne Elliott | Contributing Writer, Life & Drama

Jayne Elliott is a contributing writer and editor for TwistedSifter specializing in human interest stories, internet culture, and family dynamics. With over 12 years of editorial experience in digital publishing, Jayne excels at analyzing complex online communities and transforming viral social debates into thoughtful, highly engaging narratives.

Rather than simply aggregating internet drama, Jayne brings a sharp, empathetic editorial eye to everyday dilemmas. She has a unique talent for unpacking the nuances of pop culture and online conflicts, providing readers with relatable, well-researched commentary.

Based in California, Jayne spends her free time outside the newsroom exploring theme parks with her family or beach-combing along the coast.

Follow Jayne's adventures and connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.