Divorced Dad Kept Helping His Kids’ Stepfather Despite The Insults, But Now He’s Refusing To Do It For Free
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After getting divorced, things can feel a bit messy for a while – especially if you have kids. Because adjusting to a life where mom and dad don’t live together, and even have new partners can feel very strange, and without a lot of love, reassurance, and patience while they adjust, this could have a serious effect on the kids’ mental health. That’s why parents need to really consider their actions – not meaning that they should stay in a loveless marriage, but that they need to think before they speak about their ex, however much they are hurting, and have a plan for where to live in which the kids still get the same structure and love that they are used to.
Then comes the further complications when one or both parents inevitably find new partners. Because while some kids might take to step-parents right away, others might require some time to adjust, and slow and steady really is important here. Even more so if those new partners have kids themselves, because a big blended family can be quite the big change, where kids need to know exactly where they stand. Consistency and fairness are important here, with making sure the kids know they are all still loved the most important thing.
The dad in this story is working hard to do just that, attending his daughter’s volleyball games as normal even after he and her mom split up. And he’s continuing this even though his kids’ new stepdad is turning up too, and taking the high road even while that new man is trying to provoke him.
Little did they both know, he’d be rewarded for that down the line.
Read on to find out why.
AITA for refusing to do free work for my kids’ stepfather?
I’m an electrician and a union member. My ex and I share custody of our three kids.
Things are ok now, but the divorce last year was rough. She got remarried in August to a guy after dating for six months – let’s call him ‘Brad.’
Here where the issue kinda starts; a few weeks ago Brad was at my daughter’s volleyball game saying stuff about how “Real tradesmen don’t need to be in a union.”
He said this right in front of me, and I was wearing a shirt with my union logo on it, he works in the trades also but just does small non union IT/ data network jobs.
Let’s see how this guy responded to Brad’s provocation.
I stayed calm and didn’t bite. He is self employed and I know barely makes a profit. My license also allows me to do all of his kind of work at my pay rate.
This morning, my ex called me out of the blue. She said a panel at one of Brad’s jobs needed some work and asked if I could “just swing by” to check it out.
She said, “You’d only need your tools for a few minutes just a quick favor, it’s not a big deal, and you would be technically working for Brad.”
So when my ex asked for a quick favor, I told her, “I charge everyone the same rate, and per union rules I cant just do a side job, its gotta be done under my shop.”
And his ex really didn’t like that.
She said, “You’re really gonna force this issue with my husband?” I told her, “He can just have his own subcontractors or step up and by paying me like everyone else does.”
Now she’s saying I’m being petty and creating tension. Claiming that I’m just making a stink “cause he lives with the kids.”
I told her that professionalism isn’t petty and that I don’t give free labor to people who disrespect my trade.
So, am I wrong for refusing to do free work for my ex’s husband, even though it might make things awkward for my co-parenting relationship?
AITA?
Why should he have to do a favour for some random guy who just days before was trying to provoke him at his kid’s volleyball game?
Just because they were both at one point in a relationship with the same woman doesn’t mean that they owe one another anything.
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Especially since Brad has no respect for the father of his stepchildren – no way should he be in any position of power over him.
Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.
This person thought that his lack of respect for union tradesmen had clearly landed him in a sticky situation.
While others thought that the ex was a big problem here too.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who refuses to change her 4th of July traditions for her in-laws, sparking a family feud.
Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that it showed that Brad really isn’t the tradesman he thinks he is.
It’s truly wonderful that after spending the afternoon insulting union tradesmen, Brad found himself in over his head and needing to request the assistance of one just days later. Talk about karma. He should’ve never been trying to insult his wife’s ex-husband, who to his credit took the high road and ignored the comments. And good for him for refusing to help out at a discounted rate too – because he has absolutely no obligation to do so. Just because some guy has married his kids’ mom doesn’t mean that they’re now family or in any way obliged to one another.
Likely Brad is insecure and jealous of the fact that, as a skilled union tradesman, his wife’s ex has a much better income and reputation as a tradesman than he does. Of course, he’d never allow himself to understand that fact about himself, and instead is just trying to start a fight with the man. Luckily for the kids, their dad is more mature than that, and sees Brad as exactly what he is: an immature, lesser man. And it must have hurt his pride and bruised his ego for that man-child for his wife to have called her ex in to fix his messes – and even worse when he refused.
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