She Lent a Friend Something Precious From Her Late Boyfriend. It Came Back Damaged — And So Did Their Friendship
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When someone close to you passes away, it can feel like your world has been ripped to shreds. There’s suddenly this hole where that person used to be, and it feels so surreal and so heartbreaking that the grief can take a really long time to pass. And even when the worst of it is over, there will be those weird moments where you go to tell that person something that happened in your day, or something they would have cared about, or maybe it’s their birthday or something – and then you realise that they’re gone. And that twang of pain, even years down the line, hurts all over again.
So naturally we cling onto what we have. The memories with that person – the happy, the sad, even the everyday humdrum sensations of just doing something normal alongside someone you care about. You get even more attached to the things they gave you and the items they left behind. Because every item is evidence of the existence of that person you loved – even years after they’ve gone, it’s evidence that they were here, and they were important. And sometimes those things are the most precious things you have.
For the woman in this story, the items in question belonged to her late boyfriend. And her friend knew that – but what she did with them may have just cost her a friendship.
Read on to find out why.
AITA for demanding my friend replace a hand-painted, signed copy of The Song of Achilles my late boyfriend gave me
My boyfriend passed away about a year ago, and before he died he gave me this custom book of The Song of Achilles as a birthday gift. It has hand painted edges from an Etsy artist, and was signed by the author. He even wrote a note to me inside the cover.
My friend L knew all of this. She’d been asking to borrow it for months, and I finally said yes because I didn’t want to seem rude.
I originally recommended she maybe buy her own book, but she got upset saying I know she’s unemployed and she can’t afford to do that. For reference she will not sign up for a library card because she does not have a drivers license to get herself there.
After she kept begging, I got tired of it and told her it was sentimental and to please be careful with it.
But L really did not seem to take note of her friend’s words.
When she gave it back the cover had a faint coffee ring and she annotated the entire thing in bright purple pen.
They weren’t smart or meaningful notes either, it was more like random paragraphs about her ex, doodles, underlines and random notes like “this part reminds me of me and Jason lol.”
She also dogeared multiple pages! I understand wanting to annotate a book but I just don’t think it’s ok with a book someone else is letting you borrow.
She also kept the book in the bottom of her bag where it was really beat up.
Yikes. Let’s see what happened when she confronted her friend about the damage.
I told her she ruined it, and she laughed And told me it’s just a book. She said she “made it more special because it had notes form a friend and now it looks like it’s actually been read” and that my boyfriend “would have loved how passionate she was about it” (he was studying for an English degree).
I told her that was completely out of line and that I wanted her to replace it.
She snapped back that I was being selfish and I only wanted money. She said the book is fine and I can still read it. I said I didn’t care about money, I just wanted her to take responsibility or at least try to replace it. She said that it wasn’t even available anymore and told me to “let it go.”
Now some mutual friends are saying I overreacted and that I’m projecting my grief. So, am I wrong for asking her to replace it or at least admit she messed up?
AITA?
The only person who messed up here was this person who was supposed to be her friend.
When you borrow something from someone, you work hard to keep it in good condition – and when that thing is sentimental, you first don’t keep harassing them to lend it to you, but if they do so you treat it delicately so as to keep it pristine.
That her friend did none of those things, then proceeded to suggest she was making a fuss about nothing, shows that she’s not a friend at all.
Let’s see what folks on Reddit said about this.
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This person agreed that this person is not a friend.
While others thought she should never have lent the sentimental book in the first place.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a friend group that’s split when one roommate backs out of their dream apartment.
Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that the only bad person here was the person calling herself a friend.
It really feels like all the people around her do not understand grief at all. To keep harassing someone to borrow something that has deep sentimental value is totally unacceptable, but then to destroy it while it is in your possession? That’s not only cruel, it’s totally heartless and unempathetic. As for the supposed ‘friends’ who think that she’s overreacting? This is one of the last things she has left from her late boyfriend, and now it has been trashed by someone who apparently has no thought or care for her grieving friend. She needs their love and support, not for them to deepen her pain.
You should be able to trust a friend to take care of something that’s important to you. It’s no wonder she’s feeling betrayed.
The truth is, this book can’t even be replaced. That’s not even a practical or financial thing, it’s the very fact that her boyfriend is no longer around to write a message in the cover, to give it to her with love. And if her friends can’t understand that, then they’re not friends at all. For real though, it feels like she needs better friends, because this is genuinely heartbreaking.
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