Her Friend’s Casual Boyfriend Causes Nothing But Drama, But When She Tried To Voice Her Concerns, Her Friend Got Upset — Now She’s Not Sure What To Do
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When your friend dates someone who you know isn’t right for them, it is hard to know when to be supportive and when to give some tough love.
In this story, the friend is clearly looking just to be supported and not called out for the unhealthy nature of the relationship.
Unfortunately, this is likely just going to cause more drama and strain between them until she realizes that she needs to find someone better.
Read through the full story below and see what you think.
AITA for refusing to be there for my friend when she has problems with her partner?
My friend (mid 30s) dated a man (late 30s) for 8 months last year.
These two seem to want different things.
He refused to define the relationship, didn’t want labels & often acted like dating her interfered with his career goals.
He was frequently unhappy and she regularly called me upset about conflict with him. I sometimes encouraged her to date other people as well, because I felt she was accepting unnecessary struggle.
It is good for everyone that he is gone.
They were also mismatched in lifestyle & life stage. She is financially stable, makes the most of her life with travel, concerts etc. He is struggling professionally, in survival mode, often unsupportive & seemed unable to enjoy things unless his career progressed, even declining activities she offered to pay for.
Most conflict came from this dynamic. Eventually, he asked for a break and then disappeared without properly ending things. Afterward, she said I was right: she hadn’t realized how unhappy she had been & felt much lighter.
And he comes crawling back.
A few weeks ago, after three months apart, he returned wanting to “clear the air.” They started seeing each other again and he immediately said he wanted her back seriously, but only if she stopped seeing anyone else.
She was seeing two people and said she would not drop everything without evidence of real change. Since then, the same pattern returned: she calls me about conflict, this time only about the issue of exclusivity. He initially agreed to try but couldn’t handle it.
This is a very unhealthy dynamic.
Most recently, one of her dates was visiting for the weekend. He became upset and demanded an in person conversation. She went and told him she would not have sex again with the visitor during the trip for his sake.
Later that day, he texted that he would invite someone over for sex because he wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that she was still with the guy and needed to “blow off steam,” insisting it wasn’t retaliatory.
Why does she even want to be with him at all?
He didn’t go through with it, but still justified it as necessary to deal with his insomnia, because he didn’t have strong meds (??).
I asked whether this was worth it. She is moving to another state in two months and is now effectively monogamous with someone who already brings conflict and will soon become long-distance.
Her friend is looking for support, not advice.
To me, she is giving up the chance to meet new people in her new city for a relationship that seems unstable.
She became upset and said I should respect her decision regardless of my opinion. I said I do respect her choices, but I should still be able to express concern, especially since she mainly comes to me with problems.
Now there is drama between them.
I also said I need a temporary break from hearing negative stuff about him to get used to him being back in her life. She thinks I’m a jerk because a good friend should be supportive in crisis, especially since things are otherwise going great.
IMO things being good for all of 6 weeks doesn’t automatically mean it’s a good fit. So, I feel like me being wary of him and wanting to put some boundaries to protect my energy is natural, but I always get anxious when someone is upset with me & start to doubt myself.
AITA?
It is clear that the relationship her friend has is not a healthy one, and it is now causing problems between the two of them.
Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.
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Here is a really good point.
This commenter is right.
Opinions are not always welcome.
Being supportive should go both ways.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who deliberately kisses his newborn nephew while sick with a cold, going directly against the parents’ explicit wishes.
This commenter says that a good friend doesn’t shy away from the truth.
A true friend doesn’t let you keep progressing in mistakes. On the other hand, a true friend doesn’t force their opinion where it is not welcome.
This is a hard situation that these two really need to work through with open communication.
3 PARTNER UPSET MAN DIDN’T HUG HER HELLO ON HIS SPRINT TO THE BATHROOM
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