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Family traditions lose meaning when support appears only when convenient.

This young man celebrated his sister despite years of rejection surrounding his own engagement.

Then, his father suddenly changed course.

The timing felt anything but sincere.

Check out why he refused to play along.

AITA for refusing to be involved in my sister’s wedding traditions after how my family treated mine?

My sister (28, female) recently got engaged, and I’m genuinely happy for her.

Even though we’ve grown apart and rarely see eye to eye, I still went to her engagement celebration because I knew how much it meant to her to have family support.

However, I (27, male) have been engaged now for almost two years, and my family – especially my dad – have completely refused to support me.

In our tradition, after the proposal, the groom’s family is expected to formally meet with the bride’s family as an “introduction” that officially declares the intention of joining the two families.

But to this man’s disappointment, his family refused to comply.

After my proposal I was eager to organise this introduction, letting my fiancée’s family prepare to host my family, but my dad flat-out refused to attend. He said he ‘did not want to be involved’.

My mother refused to challenge him on his decision, and neither my sister nor my brother (23, male) reached out or tried to advocate for me.

I had already planned a date with my fiancée’s family, so it was really disrespectful to her and her family, and humiliating and hurtful for me to have my parents shut us down like that.

And he’s got his suspicions about why his father is acting this way.

I believe that because my dad has disapproved of our relationship from the beginning, he thought that without his involvement the marriage would not happen.

My fiancée and I decided we weren’t going to let my parents’ rejection stop us from moving forward, and we’ve been making wedding plans without them. We wanted to honour our tradition but not at the cost of our happiness.

With my sister now engaged, my dad has been over the moon and called me asking when I’d be available to attend her wedding introduction.

I was immediately floored at the audacity. I listened to him talk about the importance of the event and after he finished, had to shut him down, reminding him that when I asked for the same support, he dismissed me completely.

Let’s see how this conversation changed things within the family.

After this conversation, he texted me saying that now he wants to meet my fiancée’s family.

Honestly, I find it insulting – it’s convenient that he’s only changing his tune now. Now he expects me to happily play along when I’ve moved on?

I don’t want him involved in my relationship and I don’t want to be heavily involved in my sister’s wedding engagements either.

Read on to find out why he’s choosing not to be part of his sister’s wedding celebrations.

My sister is already severely damaged. Before I left home, whilst I was still dating my fiancée, I would constantly be demeaned and harassed by my parents for choosing to be with her.

During this time, my sister never supported my decision or defended me. Instead, she sided with them and hurled insults at me about me, my fiancé and her family to the point that I felt so isolated and depressed.

I eventually moved out and went through therapy, but I’m still traumatised from the whole experience.

I would consider my sister to be an enabler who repeats whatever my parents say without any critical thinking, so I’ve learnt not to trust her to have my best interests at heart.

And now, he’s struggling to trust his family’s new approach to his own wedding.

Now my mum is calling me, saying my dad finally coming around is what she’s been “praying for.” But to me, it feels like she never actually pushed my dad to change until it suited his agenda.

My family care a lot about appearances, and I can’t shake the feeling that my dad only wants me involved now to maintain the image of a “perfect family”.

So am I wrong for refusing to be involved in my sister’s wedding preparations and not letting my dad suddenly insert himself into my relationship after years of rejection?

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AITA?

It’s no wonder that this man is feeling like he doesn’t want to be involved, when his close family have only shown any interest in being involved in his wedding when it suits their own narratives.

The complete rejection from his family must have been really hard to deal with, and coping with them now changing their tune when it benefits them will be no picnic either.

When you’re dealing with people this toxic, it pays to keep your distance – and the fact that he’s doing that can only benefit him.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed he was doing the right thing by taking a step back from his sister’s wedding.

While others thought that his fiancée and her family were more of this guy’s family than his own blood relations now.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a son who wants his deceased father’s car repaired, but insurance refuses to do it without his father’s consent.

Meanwhile, this Redditor pointed out that even though they’re family, he owes them absolutely nothing.

After his family rejected his wedding tradition and insulted his fiancée, this young man moved forward without their support.

When his sister became engaged, his father’s sudden interest seemed more about appearances, so he refused to ignore the past.

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Author

Chris Allen