It can be very difficult for parents to balance their own adult life with their life as a parent, and when they get it wrong, the kids are the ones who suffer.

What would you do if your mother was getting remarried, but the guy she was with wasn’t very close to you, and his whole family was quite cold to you every time you saw them?

On top of that, your mother was putting all her focus on them and wedding planning, so you were feeling neglected about the whole thing?

That is what is happening in this story, and the child is feeling awful about it, so he wants to tell his mother to cancel the wedding. Read through the full details and see what you think he should do.

Mom’s Fiancé’s Family Is Excluding Me from Family Events and Is Cold Towards Me

My dad died in an accident when I was around 8. We lived in Germany then.

He is lucky to have a great mother after going through something so tragic.

Two years after that, me and my mom moved to Madrid because that’s where she’s from. She took care of me so well after he died.

Like, she is honestly the strongest person I know. She’s protective but also really soft with me. I love her so much. I’m 15M, for context.

It can be surprising when a parent moves on.

Anyway, around 5 years ago, she started seeing someone, this man who was actually an old friend of hers and also a client for her work. I didn’t even know they were dating until 3 years ago, when she introduced him to me at dinner.

I was honestly shocked. Like, it never even occurred to me that she’d date again. Before that dinner, I’d seen him at our place like 2-3 times, and she just said he was a friend. He’s rich. Like, actually wealthy. He’s divorced with 3 teenage kids who mostly live with their mom.

Blending a family can be difficult for everyone.

At first, it was just me tagging along to dinners or short trips when they wanted to include his kids too, but a lot of the time, she’d just drop me at her friend’s place instead.

She has this group of 4 best friends who are basically aunts to me, so it was never a big deal. I like them a lot. Then, slowly, they started trying to blend our families more.

Some people just come across as colder.

His kids were never nice to me, honestly, from the start. They have nicer clothes, better stuff, and yeah, I noticed the difference, but I had my own friends, so whatever. It didn’t bother me that much.

2 years ago, we went to Switzerland for Christmas to meet his family. His mom, sister, brother, their spouses, kids. I said hi to everyone and was polite. His brother and his wife were actually really sweet to me, but everyone else was cold.

It is hard to know if they are intentionally treating him poorly or not.

That night, everyone was doing Christmas stuff together, and I just sat there alone. We stayed over, and my mom slept in a different part of the house while I slept alone on a different floor. That was the first time I felt like something was really off.

Over the last 2 years, I’ve seen them like 8-10 more times, and it’s the same thing every time. Cold shoulder from his mom and sister especially, but they are SO warm to my mom. They include her in everything.

This wasn’t an accident.

About 6 months ago, there was a family event, and afterward, they did a family photoshoot. I was sitting outside. They didn’t invite me. They thought I didn’t notice, but I did.

My mom was basically in the center of the photo. When I told her that night, she just said, “It was just a photoshoot. We can do one together if you want.” And I mean, it still hurt. Like, no matter what, I’m not really their family to them.

He is happy for his mother, but she is treating him poorly.

3 months ago, they got engaged. The wedding is in September. Before she said yes, she actually asked me if I was okay with it, which meant a lot, and I said yes because I do love her and I want her to be happy.

It’s a big wedding, like 3 days, and planning started in June. And since June, I’ve barely spent 20 days total with my mom. She’s always with him and his family now.

She is clearly just engrossed in her new life and is sadly leaving him out of a lot of it.

I found out his kids have been involved in choosing stuff for the wedding, even the destination. They hosted a dinner for his friends and family and her friends, and I wasn’t invited.

They did a trip with his family last month. Not invited. His sister’s birthday/anniversary thing, a big event, my mom went, and I wasn’t invited.

It’s not like she completely ignores me. We did go on a trip together. We watched Spain play in the World Cup together, just us two, and it was honestly one of the best days I’ve had with her this year.

Mom can’t change how his family treats him, but she can change how she treats him.

So, it’s not like she doesn’t care, but right now, she’s in Cádiz with his family, and last night, I called her about something. His sister picked up the phone and said, “She’s busy. I’ll have her call you later.” She never called back. I cried last night. I felt so stupid for crying, but I did.

I’ve told my mom how I feel before. I don’t even blame her for a lot of it. I think she genuinely feels stuck sometimes, like she can’t fix how his family treats me.

He should definitely talk to his mom and ensure she understands what she is doing.

But if this is how it’s going right before the wedding, I honestly don’t know what my relationship with her is gonna look like after. And I already don’t really have one with him.

So I’m thinking of telling my mom to cancel the wedding until everything is sorted out. Otherwise, she will no longer have a relationship with me.

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Threatening to cut her off isn’t a great way to start this conversation. That being said, it is a serious conversation that really needs to be had.

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything to say about the heartbreaking situation.

Telling mom to cancel the wedding could backfire.

This is a good idea, as long as their bad behavior is unintentional.

These friends are a great resource.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an incoming college student who does not want to share their grandparents’ monetary gift with a medically complex sibling.

His mother is wrapped up in her new life. She needs to take a step back.

Talking to one of the aunts is a great idea.

His mother needs to fix this problem soon, or she will permanently damage their relationship.