It’s easy to judge other parents when you’re not in their shoes. It’s super easy to judge people when you’re not a parent at all.

That said, everyone has their little pet peeves that seem to say someone else shouldn’t have kids – and these 14 people are confessing theirs.

14. It’s not about you.

Their stress isn’t relative to your experience, it’s relative to their experience.

A four year-old stubbing their toe might actually be experiencing the worst pain in their entire life. Just because you snapped a femur and have had countless other injuries that have tempered your pain response and ability to manage yourself, it doesn’t mean stubbing a toe isn’t that bad.

Stress can be viewed as the difference between expectation and reality. As you mature and learn the possible outcomes of situations, your expectation broadens to include situations that aren’t ideal, and you learn how to better deal with contingencies and mistakes and outside influences. When a situation goes bad, even the bad outcome might not be that far outside of your expectation of how that situation could have occurred.

Kids have very, very narrow expectations, and their minds operate on principles of what they gain and lose, and things like social influence, and reward and punishment. Not until adulthood do we start to operate on principles of right and wrong or legal and illegal. Some people mature into that earlier, some later, and some very slowly throughout their lives. But within that, the difference between expectation and reality for children is very broad when their exact expectation isn’t met.

Your job isn’t to raise good children, your job is to raise good adults by teaching children to understand and accept the world around them, how to understand and accept their own self, and how to understand and accept others.

13. They’re actual human beings.

Using your kid as therapy and then getting upset when they have issues regulating their emotions.

12. 100%.

your own children being afraid of you, no child should be afraid of the person that looks after them nearly 24/7.

11. It’s important.

Not believing in telling your children “no”

The world will and should tell them “no” at times. They need to be prepared for that reality, or they will be an absolute menace to everyone around them.

Understanding and respecting the word “no” is the fundamental cornerstone of bodily autonomy (consent). One of the most important social concepts the child will have to learn.

They need to understand both that they have the right to say no (a right they need to learn very early on) and that they have a responsibility to respect when others say no.

10. I think we can all agree on that.

I was molested from age 3-6. Told my parents, but they did nothing. In my twenties, my mom had the audacity to tell me that I asked for it.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a mother anymore.

9. Red flag.

Your adult children don’t talk to you.

8. No argument here.

I volunteer at/ have had student placements at a children’s hospital and we’ve had patients with serious brain injuries due to abuse (shaking, attempted drowning, etc.).

So yeah I’d say those parents are pretty bad.

7. Why make them?

Zero interest in the kid. Doesn’t care what they do or what happens to them as long as they don’t inconvenience them.

6. Just stop yelling.

i once got yelled at and falsely accused of doing something because i said “no” the wrong way (I said no but apparently in order to say no properly you need to wait a couple seconds before replying because you don’t have enough time to analyze the situation).

5. Apologies are for everyone.

Parents who can’t apologize to a child. It’s ok to have human emotions and moment to be triggered or struggling and lash out or be wrong but for the love of all things good APOLOGIZE AND CHANGE.

4. They repeat it in their heads.

Saying things like “you’re such a disappointment” “I wish I had a daughter instead” “you ruined my and you’re mother’s s^x life” this is stuff I heard for years.

3. Support their feelings.

Invalidating your child’s feelings, struggles, and/or mental illness in favor of “you don’t know what struggling really is” or some form of “back in my day” or “you kids are so weak”.

You have just robbed your child of support, told them their feelings do not matter, and informed them that you are not a safe person to confide in.

2. Most of us assume we are.

Ironically, never thinking you’re a bad parent.

I was assigned to arrange a free Parenting with Love and Logic course a bit late in the evening for our school. I thought given the time the class was, lots of parents of some of the challenging kids who work, could make it to the class.

Within a very short time, the class was full. I attended the class too and noticed the parents I saw were either teachers or parents of well-behaved kids. I felt so naive to think parents of naughty kids would even bother to show up. This still makes me sad to this day.

1. Kids will remember.

I remember coming home from freshman year in high school after a particularly bad round of bullying that day (mid 90’s) and trying to talk to mom about it. All I got was:

“Life’s a bitch, sooner you realize that the sooner you’ll get over it. It’ll never be fair.”

Zero sympathy, no empathy for sure. Fairly sure “tough love” was the agenda/thinking but “lack of love” is what I took away from it. On one hand, my Mom’s not wrong, life is fucking hard and definitely not fair, but lack of love is the price she paid for her teaching’s.

Later, in my 30’s she asked me why I never talk to her much or share many details of my life with her. We had a good heart to heart about how this approach in her parenting led to my distancing from her. While we’ll never be “close” at least we had an adult understanding and she apologized and wishes things were different/regrets her actions. It’ll never be “perfect” between us but I will say to those out there it /can/ get better as you grow older.

I mean…some people really are bad parents, I suppose.

But still, try to not throw stones in glass houses. I’m just saying.