I would guess that almost no one has gotten too far into life without playing “would you rather,” even if in an unofficial capacity. We all like to muse about the future, right?

These folks might have thought they enjoyed games like that, but when these questions popped up, they wanted to call a mulligan.

Obviously.

Would you rather f**k a goat & no one knows it happened or everyone thinks you f**ked a goat but you didn’t actually f**k it?

First one, obviously. Win-win.

They had to analyze.

Would you rather have a horizontal butt crack or a vertical mouth?

The horizontal crack wouldn’t change your life all that much as long as you wear baggy pants. Everyone would be freaked out by a vertical mouth.

Nightmare fuel.

Would you rather have legs as long as your fingers, or fingers as long as your legs?

But what if the finger joints are proportional to their new length so if you cut them down to normal finger size it would mean you have ten stiff, inarticulable digits on your hands.

Kids can do that.

When my friend’s daughter was 8 or 9 she was obsessed with asking random ‘Would you rather’ type questions from a book she bought. It was a kids book, so it was nothing NSFW, just random stuff like would you rather eat only pizza or only ice cream, harmless things like that.

So one night while I was out to dinner with her and her mother, she asked me, “Uncle Scry1Draw1, would you rather be a door or a window.”

I thought it over for a moment, and for no particular reason said, “I guess I’d rather be a window.”

Without missing a beat, she goes, “Hmm…You seem more like a door to me.” Then flat refused to explain why. Haunts me to this day.

Sounds painful either way.

Would you rather poop a pineapple or pee a grape

For argument’s sake.

Would you rather have the ability to effortlessly run at 100 mph, or fly at 10 mph?

Flying would be arguably be better for one reason only. If you wear a wingsuit, you can accelerate really high in the air and just stop flying and use your wingsuit to glide hella fast were ever you are going.

I’ll take the bugs.

I think this is a pretty popular one, but it’s “would you rather find a person or 1000 cockroaches in your attic?”

It depends on the person but either way it’s a lot easier to be friends with and help a person or kill one. It’s hard to do either to 1000 cockroaches.

No good options.

Would you rather have to pay for everything in pennies or have to use a pogo stick as your only method of transportation.

This includes walking; if you want to get up off the couch to go get a bag of chips from the pantry, you have to pogo there.

Always an interesting conversation.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

It seems like an easy choice to say “deaf” since it would seem to be much less difficult to navigate the world being deaf than blind, but I once had a blind friend (who was not born blind and had only become so around age 17) who told me she’d still rather be blind than deaf because being deaf sounded very lonely.

I still think about that conversation sometimes.

Tell me more.

Would you rather be able to have s*x and never orgasm, or be able to have orgasms but never have s*x?

In the past asking this men and women both seem to have different answers on this one.

There is an obvious answer here.

When I was working as a lifeguard at a water park, my brother posed this question to me.

A massively obese man dies of a heart attack at the top of the tallest slide at the park, just before he’s about to go down. Do you try to carry him down the 5 stories of stairs in the respectful way, or push him down the slide in the convenient way?

Sophie’s choice.

Would you rather never enjoy music again, or never enjoy food again?

Food. I love music. I love food too, but food has never gotten me through tough times.

Also, “never enjoy food” doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll be gross. If all food was “meh” to me, I’d eat only what I needed to function and finally lose some weight!

I can’t answer for gagging.

Would you rather drink a glass of someone else’s spit or someone else’s sweat?

Horrifying.

Would you rather be constantly sticky all over your entire body, forever.

Or constantly itchy all over your entire body, forever.

I simply cannot choose.

I got a really bad sunburn once and had the “Devil’s itch”. My entire back was incredibly itchy, and not anything I did could change it. It didn’t even really hurt, it was just incredibly itchy. I genuinely thought it might make me go insane, I was strait up writhing on a tent floor.

I have also broken my collarbone. breaking my collarbone, and the subsequent surgery, were less uncomfortable than the few hours I was constantly itchy from the sunburn.

Trust, sticky all over your body is way better than itchy. I’ve experienced being constantly itchy, not even over all of my body, and it was the single worst physical experience of my life, worse than breaking a bone. It felt like a bunch of ants were crawling around underneath my skin, and nothing I did would make it go away.

Worst game ever.

Verizon’s call center hiring process included a questionnaire. Unlike most questionnaires where there is an obvious answer, Verizon had a list of “Would you rather” questions with no discernable upside.

“Would you rather work longer hours or deal with unruly customers,” sort of choices.

Anyway, I passed every part of their hiring process except that, which they stated made me immediately ineligible for hire. Because of the questionnaire.

I feel like I dodged a bullet, though.

Why do I have to choose?

A nipple sized dick or dick sized nipples?

I mean, I’m a woman so….technically already have the former.

I’m not sure how I would have answered any of these, either.

Then again, the whole point of the game is to make you think!