When you know, you know.

And when you’ve met the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with, the world can feel a whole lot rosier, somehow.

There’s a lot of excitement to growing and nurturing a relationship, to the point where eventually you get engaged and choose a new home together.

But all that moving forward does mean leaving some old parts of your life in the past, as the woman in this story is finding out.

Read on to find out how leaving her roommate is causing a whole lot of guilt and mental anguish for this otherwise excited fianceé.

AITA for planning to move out to live with my fiancé, even though my roommate is struggling and I haven’t told her yet?

I am a woman in my late twenties, and have been living with my roommate (another woman, also in her late twenties) for about three years.

We started off as close friends, and over time I’ve supported her emotionally and financially.

She’s had ongoing mental health struggles and has been on extended sick leave from work for nearly three years while studying full-time.

She hasn’t had stable income, and since we both come from tough backgrounds, I understood and wanted to help.

Read on to find out how this has played out over the last three years.

I’ve helped her cover four full months of rent over the years, plus bills and groceries when needed.

Beyond that, I’ve consistently paid nearly double what she does toward rent every month to help her stay in the apartment.

I also paid our entire security deposit when we moved in. And to clarify — I’m not on the lease, she is.

It’s a 3-bedroom apartment, and I’ve taken on the financial burden to keep things going, but technically I have no lease obligation. That’s part of what makes this harder to navigate.

But things are about to change for these women.

Now I’m engaged, and my fiancé’s lease ends in October. We want to move in together and start this next chapter, but I haven’t told my roommate yet. Partly because I feel guilty, and partly because things between us have been tense.

A couple of months ago, I was harassed over text by a guy in our shared friend group. He kept sending me flirty, inappropriate messages even after I asked him to stop.

He’s dating someone I used to consider a friend. I eventually blocked him and sent the screenshots to the group, including the girlfriend, to explain.

After that, they all stopped talking to me—completely ghosted me.

Let’s see how this made things weird between the woman and her roommate.

My roommate, however, stayed close with them. She continued hanging out with the guy and his girlfriend, and when I brought it up, she said she “didn’t want to get involved in drama” and that “they’re her friends too.”

That really hurt.

I didn’t ask her to cut anyone off—just to acknowledge what happened and maybe show a little support. But she stayed silent and carried on like nothing happened. I pulled away after that and started focusing on my other relationships.

She’s now going through a breakup and struggling financially again. She’s made comments implying I’m all she has, or that I’d be abandoning her if I left.

And this is really starting to affect the woman’s mental health.

I haven’t told her yet that I’m planning to move out, partly because of that guilt.

But I’m also tired. I feel taken for granted, like I’ve been doing all the giving and got nothing when I really needed her.

Then, not long ago, she asked if I could buy her a new MacBook. When I said I couldn’t, she suggested I ask my fiancé to pay for it.

That crossed a line for me—it felt like she had no boundaries or awareness of how much I’ve already done.

But this only made her situation more complicated.

A mutual friend told me my roommate “didn’t mean” to lose track of what she owes me and that she’s in a hard spot.

I get that. But I also need to stop sacrificing myself to keep others comfortable.

On one hand, she may need to find another place to live. On the other, if she stays and brings in new roommates, I risk never seeing the deposit she owes me.

AITA?

It’s one thing supporting someone when they’re struggling, but this woman’s roommate is not only struggling, she’s taking clear advantage of their friendship.

Getting engaged and getting a new place together is supposed to be exciting, but the roommate (who probably sees the woman moving out in the near future) is making it about her, guilt-tripping her friend instead of being happy for her.

And regardless of your situation, this isn’t okay.

Let’s see what Reddit has to say about this.

This person agreed that the woman was quite right to move in with her fiancé, and that the friend was completely and shamelessly taking advantage of her.

While others encouraged her to stand up for herself.

And this Redditor explained how the woman moving out might be the best thing for her roommate.

It is absolutely the case that mental health difficulties are hard for the person suffering and everyone around them – and this is especially the case if you have no help from family or support from elsewhere.

But by propping her friend up for so long, this woman is only contributing to her own suffering, and the fact that her roommate is making her feel guilty about her own life progression is a clear example of this.

Sometimes, you need to put yourself first, and by taking care of her own life she will be in a better position to help her friend.

If she still wants to, that is.

If you liked that story, check out this post about an oblivious CEO who tells a web developer to “act his wage”… and it results in 30% of the workforce being laid off.