Having mental health issues can interfere with day-to-day activities, but what happens when it starts affecting the family?

In today’s story, a woman shares how her sister, who struggles with ADHD and depression, doesn’t clean up after herself or her son and how this is affecting their mother, whom she lives with.

Is she being unreasonable and asking too much from her sister? Or should she solve the situation despite her mental health struggles?

Let’s read the whole story.

AITAH for telling my messy sister who has adhd and depression to clean up?

I’ve (27F) lived with my sister (25F) most of my life, up until college, and she’s been pretty messy for as long as I know. We shared a room growing up and her side of the room would get extremely messy and a bit dirty (food under her pillows, etc).

Sharing an apartment in college was a nightmare.

I’d refuse to clean up after her in retaliation and she’d just live in the mess for weeks, until I’d give in and have to do a really deep cleaning.

Of course after a few days it would get back to what it usually was.

But now her habits are affecting more people.

At this point she had a 2-year-old son, who she also didn’t clean up after.

She recently moved back home to my mom’s (58) house with her son (5) and it’s been taking a toll on my mom.

She works long hours as a CNA to come home to a cluttered dirty house (dishes and pots with food on the stove, random stuff all over the house, messy bathroom, etc.) that she would then have to clean.

Not even my mom’s own room is spared.

On top of that she has to sometimes take care of my sister’s son.

Talking to her didn’t help.

I got fed up with how my sister has been disrespecting my mom’s house, so I tried speaking to her about it.

Every time me and my mom try to talk to her about her mess, and I mean EVERY TIME, she flips it back on us.

She says growing up, we always made her feel smelly, dirty, weird and like an outcast.

When in reality, we’ve been trying to protect her from ridicule and germs, and also have been trying to build her confidence.

I know that was my mom’s intention growing up, no doubt. My mom never hit us or cursed at us, but she’d yell out of frustration, especially with my sister’s mess.

Her sister argues that she can’t help it.

Now, in adulthood, she’s been officially diagnosed with adhd, and has self-diagnosed herself with depression.

I am very understanding of the importance of mental health and how adhd can affect executive function. And I also know that people can live normal lives with these issues (she worked at a very high-level corporate company).

But she uses her diagnosis and the fact that we make her feel bad about “how she is” to validate her being messy.

Most recently, she said she doesn’t care what we say about her, she knows she’s messy, that’s just how she is, and that she can be her own validation.

Her sister makes it all about mental health, but she disagrees.

She also said that my mom and I have instilled this sense of worthlessness in her since she was 8 years old and that she feels triggered living at home with my mom, and even having a relationship with both of us.

She said all of this after I asked her to clean up and told her and both my mom and I sometimes don’t even want to come home…..

She’s not working at the moment and has a lot of time on her hands. My poor mom doesn’t deserve to not feel comfortable in her own home.

I’m feeling super guilty about the way she says we make her feel, but does accepting her as she is have to result in living uncomfortably in your own space?

AITA?

Part of helping someone who struggles with mental health is establishing healthy boundaries.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.

Here’s something to consider.

Here’s a similar take.

Yup.

Here’s another suggestion.

More food for thought.

They need to sit down and make some healthy decisions.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.