Adoption can be a good and beautiful thing, but in many cases, the child will want to meet their biological family in the future.

When this happens, it can be a great thing for everyone involved, but that is not always the case.

When the adopted child in this story reached out, the siblings were excited, but Mom got upset that they even wanted to meet her.

Siblings and I accepted outreach from half-sister. Our Mom is angry – says we should have “had her back” by rejecting contact until Mom gave her blessing

A few months ago, my sister (35F) and I (37F) were contacted by a woman on fb (50F) who shared that while it is a difficult message to deliver, she is in fact our half-sister, whom our Mom (currently 67F) was forced to give up for adoption as a teenager.

Well, this can be exciting.

Our half-sister shared that at the age of 43, she was able to obtain an original copy of her birth certificate and sought out her birth parents.

She shared that she first wrote a letter to our Mom, then later spoke with our Mom briefly on the phone, which is how she learned about us.

It is hard to keep things entirely secret forever nowadays.

She shared that it was a closed adoption, and my Mom truly never thought this info would come to light.

She also shared that my Mom said it was not a good time (7 years ago), as our brother (currently 33M) had been having some significant mental health troubles.

I’m sure this was difficult for Mom.

Over the last 7 years, our Mom never made any attempts to connect or speak with our half-sister again.

Our Mom never mentioned any of this to us.

So, there is really no doubt here.

Seeing a photo, it was truly undeniable that this was our mother’s daughter. Our Mom’s cousin (the only other person aware of this situation) confirmed our half-sister’s story.

Our half-sister respected our Mom’s request to not engage with us until her 50th bday.

It really seems like she is being very respectful about it.

When our half-sister finally reached out to share this news with us, she emphasized that she did not want to create tension; she only wanted us to know that she exists.

That it was our right as adults to know. She felt she had waited long enough. She said she was open to getting to know us if we had any desire to get to know her.

This can be a very beautiful thing.

My sister and I shared this news with our brother. While we were all somewhat shocked, we welcomed the news. We each took some time to connect with our half sister and talk with her a little.

She seems very genuine. Simply wanting to make connections and get to know us.

I’m sure this will be at least a little awkward.

After much debate, we decided to share this new info with our Mom, believing we should take a gentle approach, aware of the sensitivity/difficulty of what our Mom must have gone through years ago.

Our Mom admitted that it was a traumatic time, which she was advised to forget about. She was in love with the baby’s father, and this was not a DV/SA situation.

Times were different back then.

But a time of hurt and ache, as she had no say in the matter. She was sent away, as “that’s what they did back then”.

We let our Mom know we’d been talking with our half sister, that she seems nice and we’d like to get to know her, but we also understand and respect if Mom is not now (or not maybe ever) ready for that herself.

Everyone is being very kind and understanding.

Our half sister lives out of state and just happened to be in town last weekend. We made plans to meet for brunch. My Mom was informed about this opportunity, weeks in advance, and invited to join or not – we all supported whatever she felt right.

No pressure. Initially, she said she wanted to come too.

Its ok to change your mind.

As the meeting date drew closer, Mom began to have a change of heart. She grew resentful towards our half sister and toward us.

She was angry and stated our half sister never should have reached out. Never should have contacted us.

Well, this is not right, but I’m sure she is emotional.

And that we 3 kids should have “had her back” by denying our half sister engagement or contact until our Mom gave her blessing.

Ultimately, Mom did not come. Now, Mom is angry that we did meet our sister for brunch.

Mom needs to take a step back here.

She says it’s completely disrespectful and shows we don’t care about her. We should have cancelled brunch and stayed home to comfort her.

Our Mom says this is about HER trauma and that the rest of us are being selfish.

It is clear that they are all being reasonable (except the mom, understandably).

We (three adult “kids”) are reasonable and usually considerate adults. We all felt we were making decisions in grace and kindness – toward both our half sister and out of respect for our Mom.

My Mom insists that “the internet agrees that you kids handled this all wrong”.

Wow, Mom is really overreacting here.

She’s been crying and yelling at us (if and when she will even speak to us this week…) she even skipped out on my sister’s birthday dinner because of this.

So, I am here to ask, AITA?

Or is our Mom just struggling to process her trauma and blaming us?

It seems that Mom is just struggling with all of this, but she needs to remember that having another daughter affects more than just her.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Yup. Let mom heal, but develop a relationship with the sister.

This commenter is spot on.

I agree with this commenter.

Yes, mom is not the only one in the situation.

All the kids handled this very well.

Mom needs to work through her emotions.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.