Training a dog properly takes a good plan and a lot of consistency.

What would you do if you had set a rule for your dog that if it is barking or causing a disturbance, nobody should pet it or encourage its behavior, but your mother-in-law kept doing that despite being asked repeatedly to stop?

That is the situation that the guy in this story was in, so finally he lost his cool and shouted at his mother-in-law about the issue. Now both his mother-in-law and his wife are upset with him for yelling, but completely ignoring the issue of her violating boundaries with the dog for months.

Personally, I think he could apologize for yelling and then refocus the issue back on Mom’s behavior. If she can’t respect his boundaries in the house, she won’t be welcome there. Please read through the full story below and see if you agree.

AITA for yelling at my MIL after she repeatedly ignored a boundary in our home?

My wife (40s F) and I (40s F) took in my mother-in-law’s (60s F) dog when she had to return to working in the office after COVID.

Finding a training method for a dog is important.

The dog (Buster) had separation anxiety and a VERY annoying barking problem. After trying several training methods, I found one that was working well.

A key part of the training was not giving the him attention while he was barking, because that reinforces the unwanted behavior. Common sense in my opinion.

These are very reasonable boundaries.

My wife and I discussed it and agreed this was how we wanted to train him. She specifically asked to be the one to tell her mom about the new house rule because my wife felt the message would be better received coming from her.

The request was simple “please don’t pet the dogs while they’re barking when you’re visiting our house.”

Some parents refuse to listen to their kids.

My MIL ignored the request repeatedly. On the occasions when she did respect our wishes, she’d make sarcastic comments like, “See? I’m not petting them,” in a tone that made it clear she thought the rule was ridiculous.

I brought it up with my wife multiple times. Each time, she agreed with me and said she’d talk to her mom again. Despite many attempts, nothing changed. Almost every visit, the same thing happened and I had to be the one to walk away so I didn’t get mad and say something. I did that out of respect for my wife’s wishes.

He finally put his foot down, but maybe he went too far.

After many months of this, I finally reached my limit. I snapped, I raised my voice and firmly told her it had to stop. I absolutely admit I was angry and louder than I should have been.

I yelled, but I did not scream or threaten her. I simply made it unmistakably clear that boundaries will be respected in our home. The only thing kind of offensive I said during that evening was “Make sure you act like a victim about it.” as she was walking out.

She is ignoring the cause of the problem.

I admit that line was unnecessary, but sometimes you just boil over. I rightfully boiled over. Plus, our history told me that was her favorite role to default to.

It’s been months. Still the entire conversation has been about my reaction instead of what caused it.

He can admit he shouldn’t have yelled without saying that he was wrong about what the MIL was doing.

Now, MIL portrays herself as the helpless victim, and my wife now agrees with her that my yelling is actually the whole issue. Neither of them seems willing to acknowledge that my reaction came after months of having our 1 boundary ignored.

I wholly disagree with them. My big reaction to her disrespectful behavior is not the problem in my eyes.

This is not a healthy relationship.

MIL still refuses to talk to me or take any accountability. My wife has even said I’m “just jealous” of the close relationship they have and that I’m “keeping score.”

I don’t feel like I’m keeping score. I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point after watching someone repeatedly ignore a simple, reasonable request that both of us agreed on together.

His complaint was not at all unreasonable.

I know yelling isn’t the best way to handle conflict, and I wish I’d stayed a tiny bit calmer. But there’s only so many times you can politely ask someone to respect a boundary in your own home before anger takes hold.

AITA?

Sometimes yelling or getting upset is the only way to get people to listen. I wonder if the MIL is still crossing the boundary with the dog or if this actually fixed the problem (while creating a new one).

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

Now this might be a bit extreme.

It might come to this.

His wife needs to be on his side.

Now this would be funny.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an uncle who is surprised to find his niece’s birthday party all about him after one unkind comment.

She kept pushing limits and then gets offended when she gets called out on it.

If she can’t respect the rules of the house, she is going to get yelled at. Honestly, his mother-in-law is worse than the dog, and he shouldn’t have to put up with it.

Of course, his wife isn’t helping the situation either. There seem to be bigger issues in this relationship than the dog.