Bride-To-Be Was Told She Couldn’t Speak At Her Own Engagement Luncheon, But Her Future Father-In-Law Invited Another Speaker
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Engagement celebrations should make both partners feel welcomed and appreciated by their families.
The following story is about a woman who asked her fiancé’s dad if she could speak in front of the congregation during their engagement luncheon.
He refused, saying that if he allowed her, then he would have to allow others, too. So he decided no one should give a speech.
Things became more frustrating when she learned that he had invited 40 clergymen and planned to let one of them speak.
Uh oh! Sounds like there’s a double standard here. Let’s take a closer look!
WIBTA for disobeying my fiancé’s father at our engagement?
My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) got engaged a few months ago.
His father leads a large religious center in a very expensive beach town.
He offered to host an engagement luncheon for us.
This woman asked if she could speak at the luncheon.
I asked if I could say a few words at the luncheon.
I’m a lawyer and public speaker for a living, and I just wanted to introduce myself and my family to the congregation.
I also want to thank my future in-laws and say something about how my fiancé and I met.
His father said no.
Her fiancé’s dad refused because he didn’t want anyone to speak.
When my mom asked him about it, he responded, “No, and when I say no, it means no.”
His reasoning was that if he lets me speak, he’d have to let anyone who sponsors an event there speak.
Then, a few weeks before the engagement, I found out he invited 40 clergymen.
One of them will be speaking at the luncheon.
Apparently, someone else can speak at my engagement, but I can’t.
Nothing to do with gender, he hosts female speakers all the time.
Her friend thinks she should just speak even without his permission.
My friends think I should just stand up, quiet everyone down, and give my 2- to 3-minute speech anyway.
There’s no microphone because of religious observance, so realistically, once I start, he can’t really stop me.
The complication is my fiancé’s relationship with his dad. They’ve historically been distant.
And I can tell this event is making my fiancé feel loved and included by his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time.
My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was little.
His father remarried and has multiple children with his new wife.
She’s divided about what to do.
I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship my fiancé is rekindling.
Part of me wants to respect his wishes out of love and respect for my future husband.
Another part of me really wants to stick it to his father, especially now that he’s having someone else speak.
WIBTA if I stood up and gave the speech?
I can understand why OP felt frustrated with the response of her fiancé’s dad.
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If it was a strict rule that no one is supposed to speak during the luncheon, then he should not have allowed anybody.
I guess if she values the relationship between her fiancé and his dad, she should just let go of this issue once and for all.
What do you think? Let’s check out the comments of other people on this story.
This user shares their personal thoughts.
Don’t disrespect him, says this one.
Here’s a valid point.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who feels hoodwinked after finding out the sick father she’s been supporting has plenty of money of his own.
Here’s another honest opinion.
Finally, another one chimes in.
Protecting your future together matters more than winning an argument.
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