Sacrificing for your family is just part of life, but there also have to be some boundaries, especially with extended family.

What would you do if you have been caring for your own family plus your mother-in-law for years, and due to her mental state deteriorating, it has become increasingly difficult, which has ruined your own mental health?

That is what has happened to the woman in this story, so after a crisis situation, she is ready to demand that something change so that she can put her own mental health first, but she wonders if this is selfish of her.

There is really no doubt that something needs to change. What exactly that is will be up to her and her husband to decide. Check out the full story below and see what you think she should do.

AITA for finally saying “I can’t do this anymore” to caring for my elderly mother-in-law after 16 years of disrespect and sacrificing my own family?

I’m trying to work out whether I’m selfish or have simply reached the point where I have nothing left to give.

This is very disrespectful.

My husband and I have been together 16 years, and my relationship with my MIL was difficult from the get go.

She repeatedly crossed boundaries and disrespected me. She still calls me by my husband’s ex-wife’s name. For years she told me details about their marriage, compared me to her unfavourably, and shared things I never wanted to know.

At least her husband is somewhat on her side.

She was an alcoholic while my husband was growing up, and is now clearly dependent on prescription medication. She is not a particularly nice person.

My husband doesn’t have a close relationship with her either, but she is his elderly, vulnerable, mother and he is her only child.

She has sacrificed a lot for him.

In 2017, while pregnant with our daughter, we moved 400 miles from my family. I was reluctant, but it was important to my husband, so I made it important to me.

We were expecting their first grandchild and I loved my father-in-law. I tried incredibly hard and made a good life here. I raised our daughter and supported my husband and his family.

This is heartbreaking.

Then, in 2023, my father-in-law died. Nine days later, my brother died. My brother was my safe space, I adored him. I was miles away, supporting my husband and caring for my MIL.

I eventually travelled back for his funeral, but there was never really space for my grief where we live. My husband was grieving, my MIL needed support, and our daughter was grieving her grandad.

When I talked about my brother, conversations were turned to my father-in-law. I understood why, but I carried my grief alone.

She is very generous with her time and energy.

Three years later, I’m still struggling with it. Now my MIL is 84, with COPD and cognitive deterioration. She forgets people have died, including her husband; becomes disorientated; repeats conversations; forgets care arrangements; and becomes paranoid.

She has accused my husband of trying to kill her and accused me of hiding things and, bizarrely, sleeping with her deceased husband. I have dedicated enormous amounts of care towards her because I love my husband and daughter.

It sounds like it is time for her MIL to stay in a care facility.

She stays with us often, but I’m constantly waiting for the next crisis and I can’t relax in my own home. I become so overwhelmed. My entire life feels organised around everyone else.

Somewhere along the way, I disappeared. I no longer want my MIL staying with us. I don’t want to provide this level of care or spend weeks being responsible for her.

Her husband is very insensitive.

Last year, my mental health reached crisis level. I drove to a bridge to end my life. I sat crying and called the Samaritans. They helped. I told my husband, but his response was to make a list of money I owed him for the credit-card.

Something in me broke. A few days later, my MIL became ill. I had to collect her, bring her home, and care for her for two weeks.

It is definitely time for some therapy, at a minimum.

I felt completely invisible. I have spent 16 years navigating this situation which has closed in on me.

Now I don’t think I can.

AITA?

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While sacrificing for your family is just part of life, it shouldn’t be entirely one-sided. She clearly needs some help right now, and that has to start with moving her mother-in-law into some type of long-term care facility.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

You can’t care for everyone all of the time.

Here is a commenter who says she should divorce her husband.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about siblings who don’t think they should have to give up their own sports’ seasons to help with their younger siblings.

This commenter feels very bad for her.

Her husband may be working, but that does not mean that she has to care for her MIL forever.

She clearly needs help, and she is not getting it. If she never forces a change, things will always stay the same. It is long past time to put her foot down.