Man Asks if He’s Wrong for Telling His Daughter He Won’t Pay Her Tuition Unless She Has a Relationship With His Family
by Matthew Gilligan
I’ve heard quite a few stories from people over the years about certain conditions they had to accept in order for their parents to pay their college tuition.
And I guess that makes sense in specific situations.
But this one is a little bit different and this father wants to know if he’s an a**hole for what he’s asking of his daughter.
Check out his story below.
AITA for telling my daughter I won’t be paying for her college unless she attempts a relationship with my family?
“I (38M) have a 19 year old daughter Ariel with my ex-wife Lauren (39F). We had Ariel too young, and it was a huge struggle.
We moved into Lauren’s family’s. I was working multiple jobs. Me and Lauren were best friends thru all this. But things ended when Ariel was 2. Lauren’s friend Tori (38F) told me that Lauren had been messaging guys and when they went out she would give out her number. I checked Lauren’s phone and found it. I asked for a divorce, Lauren was p**sed and wanted to reconcile. I didn’t and got split custody.
Lauren made my life hell. Lauren bad mouthed me, would miss pick up times and make decisions without talking to me. Her dad offered money to relinquish custody, I told him off. Ariel is now 19 and just started college. The deal was me and her mom would split it.
I remarried Tori when Ariel was 6. Tori was a rock during the divorce but we didn’t date till 2 years later. Lauren used this to warp Ariel against Tori and our son (13M). She excludes them. Whenever she spends the night she will just talk to me or go to her room if my family was around. Our son walks to the basement if she comes over.
It hurts me a lot. I’ve spent thousands on therapy before people bring that up. It still is being utilized. But at this point Ariel is being nasty for the sake of it. Her mom has convinced her I cheated with her friend and had a baby. Which is funny because as I’ve pointed out. The timelines don’t even match up. I’ve done everything at this point including family time, 1 on 1 and therapy. Ariel is plain rude to them and they are done trying.
Ariel graduated from HS in may and hosted a party. I was invited but my family wasn’t. I told Ariel I found that disrespectful. So I’d send a card but wouldn’t be going. She didn’t care and we haven’t spoken since. I get a call from Lauren saying she paid the first semester and was wondering when I’d be paying. I said I was no longer paying.
As I’m not pulling money out of my household, when Ariel is disrespectful to 2/3rds of it. My ex went off. Saying we had an agreement. I reminded her of when her dad tried to buy my custody. And said “you have what you’ve always wanted. Full control and custody. You won. So figure it out”.
Then texted her that I’ve been putting up with this long enough. She got her 18 years of child support from me. So until she planned on setting the record straight that I was done with both of them. And blocked her. I called Ariel and told her the same. Gave the reasons I’m not paying and told her she needed to look into loans.
But I would pay for college if she at least tried to form a bond with my family because she created this situation with her attitude. So if she wants my help, she needs to attempt it. She started crying. But I didn’t fall for it. Told her what my expectations were and to let me know what her plan is so I can move the money around. My wife is on my side here. Saying we’ve been the bad guys for long enough. But I’m getting s**t from others.
And here’s what Reddit users had to say about this.
One reader said he’s NTA and that his daughter treats him like an ATM.
Another individual also said he’s NTA and that people would do the same thing if they were in his shoes.
And this Reddit user made a good point: she’s not being cut off completely, she just has to get with the program a little bit.