People love to give advice, or to sound as if they know a lot about a certain topic. Which is fine (if a bit annoying), unless the person your spouting knowledge to is actually a subject matter expert.

Here are 15 moments that could not have been more awkward for all parties involved.

15. Any number of things.

My parents are Italian, I speak Italian, and I’ve had people in the U.S. who are 1/4 Italian at best, or who once ate Italian food, correct me on the pronunciation of any number of things.

Yeah, I’ve forgotten how to say a lot of things, so maybe I’m not a ‘specialist’ per se, but sauce isn’t called “gravy” in Italy, sorry.

14. Seen it with his own eyes.

My wife has a friend who studied zoology who once told me that cows can’t run or jump. I grew up with them. I – more than once – had to run after or away from them after they had jumped a fence.

Cows are f**king fast when they want to be.

13. Not super easy.

I once had a lengthy argument with a guy about the Finnish language, he claimed that it was super easy and that he could speak it really well after a very short time studying it. He proceeded to give me some examples about compound words that he was able to “easily deduce”.

In his defense, most people would probably understand what he means (or at least guess), but none of the “words” were actual words used in the Finnish language and all of his sentences were either nonsensical or super wonky at best.

I just couldn’t believe that a person who has studied the language for maybe four months would actually have an argument about how to speak the language. With a native speaker. It was so hard to resist saying “Finnish is my native language you moron.” over and over again when he was trying to prove why he’s right and I’m wrong.

12. Weirdly invested.

Wrote software for a large, interactive art piece. It was presented in such a way that it encouraged self-discovery of how it was used, but it wasn’t difficult and most people picked up on the main operation of it very, very quickly (as it should have been).

There were three stations that interacted together but separated by some distance. I see some guy very flamboyantly operating the device (it created music, lights, and fire) and explaining how it works to a small crowd around him. I’m intrigued so I walk over to hear him. He’s “figured” it all out and basking in the adulation of those around him.

But, he’s wrong! Like, way off. So, after listening a bit, I gently, and politely, point out how it differs from what he is saying. He looks around at “his” crowd, and tells me I’m way off and don’t get it; that I just don’t understand. This is more perplexing because simple operation and observation contradicted what he was stating.

Anyway, I again, politely, explained a bit more to further illustrate where he was wrong. He told me I just didn’t know what I was talking about. I hesitated and considered just thanking him and walking away but then thought better of it.

I looked at him and told him I wrote the software for what he was doing, and had been writing and running it on my laptop at home every night for the last 6 months.

The crowds attitude changed, people thanked me, and I wandered off. It was weird how invested that guy was in being right and the center of attention. At least he was polite at the end.

11. Bless his heart.

My friend and I went to Dapper Day at Disney last weekend, where people dress up in vintage wear. One of Disney’s photographers asked my friend if she was Disney bounding (interpreting a Disney character) and she replied that she was simply a generic dress circa 1955.

The photographer began telling us how she was really much more late 1940s, and that we may have researched it, but he lived through it, and next time we should look at a picture.

We are both professional theatrical costumers whose strengths lie in historical costuming and her dress was taken directly from a 1955 catalogue. Further, based on his approximate age, and being generous that he may have aged well, this man was definitely not older than 5 in 1955.

10. Astounding.

I work in Lightning Protection here in the States. I do the estimating and the designs for the largest company in the southeast. Have for going on 7 years. Certified through our industry’s certification company.

The amount of engineers and architects that love to argue with me about the code is astounding. I live that code. Being I estimate and design systems, my main job is to know that code.

The worst was the Army Corps of Engineers. We had a project that their designer designed that was in the bid package drawings. Pretty standard, pick out the materials requested and ignore the incorrect design. That is how we bid it, won it, and designed it. This would have provided them with a fully certified system. In our business, a U.L. Master Label certification is as close to a requirement for every job as anything can be.

Two weeks after we submit our design it comes back with a revise/resubmit stamp and a very snarky demand from the Corps that we change our design to the one provided in the bid package. I went back and forth on email and calls with the engineers trying to explain to them that their system would not work, was potentially a dangerous hazard, and ultimately could not be certified or warrantied.

The came back basically with we don’t care what you say, we know better, do it. So i did. Designed exactly like they had and put a disclaimer on the drawing saying there would be issues and we were not responsible.

A few months go by, its installed and ready for certification. They call the inspector out and he fails it without even getting on the roof. The Army is pissed and tried to come back at us. I politely forward the countless email chains to the officer in charge.

Now they scramble to get it up to code. As a consequence it resulted in us issuing a change order to bring it up to code that was around 75% of the original cost of the project.

Edit: This has also now been posted at r/maliciouscompliance. So go show the love over there and thanks for the advice.

Thank you for the silver!

9. Cut the crap.

In the Netherlands we have different sized glasses for our pilsner. They all have a different name. The smallest, 0,18L is called a Flute (Fluitje), the middle a Vase (Vaasje) and the large, 0,5L we just call “half a liter” or pint. Sometimes the bar has a medium of 0.33l as well, that doesnt really have a name.

Anyway, most people drink Flutes or Vases. You’d order “a Flute, please” or “a Vase, please” and you’ll always be served the house pilsner (moest well know one is Heineken, of course) in the size you ordered.

As you might have guessed by now, I am a bartender. I was at work in a bar and had a group of 5 dudes drinking Vases, a lot of them too. Thing is; is you order “a beer”, you’ll be served a vase of pilsner as a standard. Everyone knows this, it’s common knowledge (in the Netherlands) and noone ever objects to it.

These dudes had been ordering “5 beers, please” the whole night. They were served vases (so 0,25L) the whole night. When time came to pay, I gave them their bill and it said 35 X Vase pf Heineken.

Then they tried to argue with me that the glass I served them, the 0,25L one, is not a Vase but a Flute, that a Flute was 0,25 and not 0,18 and that a Vase is 0,33l. I told them dudes I was not going to argue about something as ridiculous as this, as anyone who drinks beer in the Netherlands knows what a Flute and a Vase is, and everyone know what size they are. But they refused to pay, so I told them to google it. They did. They found a website that listed the sizes and names of the glasses, but they wouldnt believe it because “the website must be owned by heineken” Sure, a Flute and Vase conspiracy, that’s a new one.

They told me the bar next door serves a vase of 0,33l for the same price we serve a 0,25l one, so they weren’t going to pay. I told them to cut their crap, that I work in that bar too (I do) and that the price of a 0,33 was higher than our 0,25 and that it’s not called a vase. He didn’t believe me and looked up their drinks menu (as if it would even matter what the prices next door were, even IF they would be lower). He found out that, once again, I was right, but had some bullshit excuse as to why I was still wrong…

In the end I told them to pay or I’d call the cops, so they paid but said they were going to write a complaint e-mail which I encouraged them to do. At this point even other costumers were telling them to stop being ridiculous cunts. I kindly asked them to never return again. They came back in a week later, but I told them they would not be served, they tried ordering drink from my coworker but he told them to f**k off too so they just stood at the bar for a while and left. Fecking idiots.

8. This makes me laugh.

I didn’t specialize on it but when I worked a the deli in my local grocery store I had a guy come in asking for some sliced ham. I asked him if he wanted Black Forest ham, honey baked or mesquite ham.

He looked at me and said It’s not mesquite, it’s mestique.

I pointed at the sign and label (on the actual efing ham!) that said Mesquite Ham but he still corrected me. I gave up and gave him his damn mestique ham. This was a good 15 years ago and I’m still mad about it.

7. It’s not worth it.

I’m a harley mechanic and I swear most harley riders have to pretend they know everything about their bike!

I dont even argue with them anymore, I just tell em what’s up and if they want to debate about it, I say “ok” and walk away… lol

6. That does not sound right.

I’m a professional pastry cook. The GM at my new job tried to re teach me how to crack eggs.

He wants me to crack them against each other.

5. Definitely not true.

You wouldn’t believe the number of times people tried to tell me that people only become diabetic if they eat to much sugar and INSIST they are right.

I’m a type one diabetic, diagnosed at 14 months. Was I drinking soda from my bottles and using ring pops as pacifiers, then?

4. Fix the fence, friend.

A new house gets built next door to mine, and shortly after the owners move in, they knock on my door to complain that my house is built too high. I explain that my house was/is built on flat ground and their builder has built their house lower, and undercut my fence.

The guy proceeds to give a long winded spiel about how earthworks are done and my house is too high and I have to fix it.

I then explain that I do earthworks for a living, have done the earthworks for 300+ houses in my suburb alone, and around 1200 in the local area. I name his builder, site supervisor, engineer, the exact floor levels in the street, and the law that says that he has to pay to fix my fence.

He still hasn’t paid, and legal procedures are beginning soon.

3. His own disease.

On how my dyslexia affected me. My own dyslexia. Not the concept of dyslexia but my day to day functioning.

I know when and how it impacts me and the difference to forgetting my glasses and being unable to see things at a distance.

2. When you know…

I got shut down by this actually. I was arguing with my cousin while we were in an old hydraulic elevator. I said the hydraulic elevators are slow, crap and have far more failures than cable elevators.

The guy standing across from us laughs, shakes his head and says he’s an elevator repairman, and that’s not true at all. Shamed.

1. Definitely not worth the risk.

People without their ID constantly try and quote various laws about being able to order alcohol when out with parents. I work in a pub which is part of a chain. We’re regularly tested for Challenge 21.

No I’m not handing you a pint when you can’t prove you’re old enough and wouldn’t be willing to pay the £1000 fine I’d receive.

Man I could hardly read these they’re so cringe.

I hope someone learned a lesson or two.