‘My wife says I ruined her birthday.’ Should Dad Have Told His Daughter The Truth About Why He Kicked Her Husband Out?
by Trisha Leigh
Family dynamics are complicated, and I think that only gets more true as you begin to add more and more people to the mix who aren’t related to you by blood.
OP admittedly does not care for his son-in-law but tolerates him for his daughter’s sake. They are married now and have a 5yo child, and they all recently came to OP’s wife’s birthday celebration.
Me (M48) and my SIL, “John” (M26) do not have the best relationship. We’re both aware of it. I put my issues aside for my daughter, “Sara” (25) who made it clear she was in love with him and wanted to marry him.
A few days ago we were celebrating my wife’s 48th birthday. They both came along and brought their son (5) with them.
The day/night was going ok until OP noticed that the son-in-law was drinking too much. Then he noticed that his nephew’s wife looked uncomfortable.
The day progressed well. At night, we had a dinner party where the entire family was around.
All was well until I noticed John drinking way too much.
A few hours later, my nephew’s wife, “Laura” went into the kitchen. She came back outside, with John following her.
She looked uncomfortable and I noticed.
Allegedly because the son-in-law made her uncomfortable when they were alone for a few minutes.
I walked up to them and asked what was going on and Laura said he’s had too much to drink and was making her uncomfortable (flirting).
OP pulled the man over and told him he needed to leave, but the argument grew loud and his son-in-law and daughter both left.
I asked John to leave and go home because if anyone found out, this would erupt into a huge scene.
That’s when I demanded he leave and then he made a scene. He shouted profanity towards me, which grabbed everyone’s attention.
Sara asked why i was asking him to leave and I didn’t mention why, because as much as I didn’t like John, I love my daughter and her happiness.
When I couldn’t explain why, she assumed it was because of our little grudge. She got upset, asides with John and they left.
His daughter and wife are both mad at him, assuming the “feud” is the cause of the incident, because he hasn’t told them the truth.
Days have passed and my wife says I ruined her birthday because of a “little feud”.
She’s upset and I haven’t heard from my daughter in days.
Should he? How could he have handled things differently? You know Reddit is going to let the advice fly!
The top comment says OP isn’t making a whole lot of sense.
This person says he created a scene instead of avoiding one.
And this commenter agrees OP handled it poorly from beginning to end.
While this person thinks everyone involved (except maybe the woman who was just trying to have a nice birthday) sucks here.
They think OP should research the Streisand Effect.”
This is one where I feel like we might be missing some info.
But either way, it seems like mistakes were probably made.