When it comes to relationships, we talk a lot about red flags – those things that should prevent us from getting too close to the people who present with them.

If they exist, though, shouldn’t the opposite also be true?

These men say definitely yes, and as far as they are concerned, these are “green flags” when it comes to dating women.

Healthy conflicts.

Fighting and/or approaching conflict in a healthy manner.

During one of my early fights with my GF (now wife of 15 years) I was surprised that even though she was still mad, she clearly said “I’m upset when you did X, because of (something in her past). I know that past event is not your fault, but I’m still feeling some kind of way, we should talk later after I’ve processed a bit.”

Wayyyyy different than my past relationship. No silent treatment, no hiding emotions and exploding later, firm about feelings while taking accountability, honest apologies…its great. We still have conflicts, and even yell from time to time, but they are productive in the end.

The little spoon.

Asking me if I want to be little spoon.

Yes, I want to be little spoon. Little spoon rocks.

Ps: she asked me this on our first night together, I knew right there she was special.

Us vs. the problem.

Us vs the problem mentality.

Aka, instead of blaming you or herself for issues that inevitably will arise, she communicates with you in a way that focuses on what the issue is and how you can work together to solve it.

Willing to try new things.

She is willing to try new things with you that are related to what you enjoy.

Also, guys this goes both ways.

If your woman is interested in something, try it out with her.

Healthy communication.

Actually talking about what you/she wants and communication, rather than mind games/manipulation/gaslighting/coercing or using things as punishment.

When she doesn’t even listen to your reasons, or at least make an attempt to understand your side of ANYTHING and instead she takes it personally like you killed her cat or something, believing in her own opinions and feelings instead of at least trying to see both sides of the relationship.

Also when she doesn’t let go of anything ever. If you get into an argument and all you’re trying to do is just get her to at least understand your side of something, and she brings up past situations or has a predetermined view of the situation simply because it’s you that she’s talking to. Holding a grudge for no reason.

I get into arguements ALL THE TIME with my GF, and she constantly and conveniently ignores my points on things or how I feel about it, chalking it up to her wanting to ‘win’ or make me ‘lose’. I always say “It’s not about winning or losing”, or “it’s not about wrong or right”, and she doesn’t understand it. Sometimes we just want to be understood. When my “goal” is to simply get her to understand my side of things, while her parameters for “winning” an argument is to prove me wrong based on what she believes or think is “right”, then there’s discourse.

It’s exhausting when the person you like/love doesn’t at least make an effort to change or accept you and instead blames you, even if she doesn’t outright say it.

Is Communication and acceptance so hard? Is it really that hard to just accept that people have different views, instead of denying everything and deciding what’s “right” and ignoring how the other person feels?

Emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence, that will apply for men as well. A

nyone who takes the time to wonder WHY they feel a certain way vs acting on it out of instinct is a gift.

I’ve never been in a relationship before like this in my life, we can talk anything out peacefully, no arguments in years, no insults or hurt feelings, emotional intelligence is the key.

A little respect.

Just want to add on to the typical green flags here – she respects your hobbies and interests.

Does not have to be into them herself, but knows they are important to you.

I’m in my late 40s and my wife is cool with my weekly dnd sessions with the homies and late night gaming sessions – unfortunately not all are in the same boat.

Not taking your bad day out on others.

So a big one, is don’t take out your bad day on somebody whose just trying to make it better. A small story, so I hate my job and it’s hectic, hours are long and overtime is mandatory, this particular Saturday I was alone and had to do all the work myself .

Soon as I get home my wife asks me if I can cook dinner because she was tired. Keep in mind I came home to a spotless house and woke up that very morning at 4AM just to bring me coffee . Inside I was furious and anxiety ridden, I wanted to be snappy and be babied, but I realized WHY I was feeling angry, and it had nothing to do with her so I instead just spoke with her about my day, she let me vent, we went and did something fun together and ate out. Both our days were made better together.

It’s taboo to speak this, but often times people want an easy target to take their anger out on, somebody safe who will “take it”. This is an emotion that’s important to realize, and once you see it you must control it. The end result of treating your partner like a punching bag, is losing that emotional support, eventually they will actively avoid you so your day is now not only terrible, but now nobody will care.

Everybody wants a Queen, until it’s time to act like a King

Straight-up kindness.

Straight up kindness.

I met my wife 11 years ago and fell in love pretty quickly. She is the kindest person I have ever met. Doesn’t matter the situation, she approaches all of them with a serenity that I have never been able to match. Every dog gets love, every baby gets ogled at.

You need some help? She is there with work boots on. Homeless? She keeps snacks and cash on hand to give out. I’m having a bad day? She will go above and beyond to make sure I know that I am loved.

Genuine questions.

She asks questions about you to genuinely understand who you are as a person, not just what you do for work and other surface level topics.

Consideration for others.

My wife, among other zillion virtues, has this consideration for others / cleaning discipline. So we would go to hotels and she would make the bed, remove trash, etc to the point that half the hotels / Airbnbs ask me if we even used the room.

It’s something that we don’t even talk about but make my eyes sparkle. She knows they will have to change blankets and everything but thinks that an almost pristine room is a good image for the cleaning person to start with.

Just a hug.

When I cried in front of her (my cat died) and she just hugged me and comforted me.

Exes before would ridicule me.

Hot.

Good financial decisions.

Yes baby girl let me see your 401k and brokerage account. Rawr

Thoughtfulness.

Thoughtfulness.

Thoughtfulness goes hand in hand with a lot of traits. My girlfriend is the most thoughtful partner I’ve ever had. I missed out on a job at my dream company and she made me a “feeling blue” package full of blue snacks I like with a sweet card.

I’ll have a bad day she she’ll surprise me with a dessert or a drink I like or something like that. She threw me my first surprise birthday party at an escape room with my friends because she knows I love them.

When a partner takes time to genuinely think about you and the things you like/dislike and thinks about things from your perspective, it’s about the greenest flag I can think of.

Actually OK.

Someone who ACTUALLY is ok with their man being emotionally honest and open. A lot of women say they want that, but what they really want is a guy who’ll call things cute and shed a single manly tear at Titanic, but will say “well that’s embarrassing” if he actually cries over childhood trauma or something.

If you’re mature and healthy enough to realise emotional honestly comes with awkward and difficult things that you probably don’t want to deal with, but will deal with anyway, then that’s a massive green flag.

Quick wit.

Sense of humour.

Though many say this and mean laughing at my jokes, but I want to be laughing at her jokes and quick wit.

These are just so wholesome.

It’s almost enough to give a person hope.