‘She said I didn’t love her.’ Woman’s Stepdaughter Asks Her To Quit Her Job To Stay Home With Her Baby
by Trisha Leigh
There are many people, both men and women, making the choice nowadays to remain childfree. There are many different (and valid) reasons for the choice, but others have an issue respecting them at times.
OP is middle-aged and child-free, though she is technically still young enough to change her mind. Her husband (9 years older) has a daughter who is just 13 years younger than OP.
The two met when she was a teen and have always gotten along.
I (F38) married my husband Sam (M47) five years ago. Sam always knew I did not want to have children of my own. He was fine with it.
He has a daughter Leah (F25). His wife died when Leah was 10 years old and I met him when she was 15. I didn’t meet her till after a year of dating.
She was a sweet young adult and we got along great. I did not move in with Sam till Leah left for college though.
Then, the daughter got unexpectedly pregnant. She ended up living with OP and her husband, since the daughter’s boyfriend dumped her for deciding to keep the baby.
She doesn’t want to get child support and so is supporting herself and her child with her teacher’s salary.
Leah got pregnant last year. Her boyfriend did not want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep it. He broke up with her. Leah moved back in with us cause she could not afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the bread winner.
I had concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher’s salary by herself. I suggested getting him to pay child support. She did not want that. Sam thought I should stay out of it. Fine.
The daughter quickly learned that motherhood is tough, but she loves her child and doesn’t want her looked after by strangers when she goes back to work.
But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realise having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was. She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.
Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave baby at daycare or with a nanny. Sam and I both work as well.
She doesn’t want to stay home herself, though, because she needs an identity and work outside the home – she wants OP to quit her job to stay home.
OP said no way, but also realizes her husband can’t quit, as he makes more money than she does. She suggested the daughter stay home for a bit but was met with resistance.
She asked if I could stay home with the baby. I said no. First, it is not my baby, and I never wanted to raise a child. Second, I have work.
She asked Sam who asked me to do it instead. I refused stating the reasons again. Sam couldn’t stay home because he earned more than me and covered more bills.
I asked why Leah can’t stay home with the baby herself. She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and she needed something else in her life too.
They’re both pulling out some serious emotional blackmail but OP is standing firm.
Sam feels bad for her and thinks we should help her. I suggested she pay for nanny with her income but Leah doesn’t want strangers looking after her baby.
Both of them are pressuring me to stay home with baby so she can go to work. I am standing firm on my decision.
Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didnt love her and my husband is also mad at me.
AITA for refusing to help my stepdaughter with her baby?
Reddit to the rescue on this one, I bet!
The top comment says there are so many options that the daughter doesn’t seem to want to explore.
This person says the daughter is letting her baby down in more ways than one.
They say it makes no sense that OP should be the one to have to sacrifice her career.
This commenter states that the daughter is going to have to be OP with outside childcare if she doesn’t want to stay home herself.
And this person agrees the husband and stepdaughter are being completely unfair.
This is a wild story, to me.
OP is the one who chose to be child-free so she wouldn’t have to make these choices, so why do they think she should have to make them now?