Parenting is hard, and co-parenting after a divorce – especially a hurtful/contentious one – can be one trial after another.

OP and his wife split up after she left him (them) for another man. She sees the kids every other week and is often dismissive or unavailable to them in between those scheduled times.

I (37M) have three girls; 8, 10, and 12. Their mother walked out on us for another man when our youngest was around 4.

My ex still stays in contact, though, and pays child support.

So, when their oldest daughter got her period and mom didn’t pick up, it fell to dad to handle the explanation and physical support of buying products, etc.

A few weeks ago while doing laundry, I saw red spots on my oldest’s underwear. I asked her if she knew about it, and she cried and told me she tried to call her mom, but my ex didn’t call back. She’d been stuffing toilet paper in her underwear, hoping that would work.

I explained to her that periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and found some great resources online for us to review together.

I took her to the store to pick out brands of feminine products she wanted to use (she picked Playtex Sport because she’s a gymnast).

He also decided to go ahead and get in front of the issue with the younger daughters too, so they weren’t embarrassed or scared when their own time came.

After we were done, I decided I should do the same thing with my other two. My 12yo volunteered to be part of preparing them, and we made a whole night of it; it was wonderful, and I learned a lot.

I even learned what a menstrual cup is, and how they benefit the environment.

OP felt the discussion went well and he even learned a few things himself, but when his ex realized he’d done the lesson and not her she called him a “pervert.”

She told him he should have punted to a female family member, but his mom is sick and her family is respectful regarding his job.

The other day, my ex called back. I’ll usually arrange a video chat and leave the room so they can have some alone time, and when they’re done chatting, I’ll come back in to talk boring co-parenting stuff like school, bills, etc.

This last time, my ex was FURIOUS with me for talking about periods with the girls. She shouted at me that I was sick and perverted, why didn’t I call her myself if I knew it was so urgent, I could’ve called one of their grandmas/aunts, but my mom has dementia, while her mom and sisters call me a loser because I teach kindergarten, so I’m not fond of them.

She baited him and he lost it on her, only to realize that their kids had been listening the entire time.

My ex told me I was being immature and should have just toughed it out for the girls. This really angered me, so I shouted back that maybe if she wasn’t such a deadbeat and answered her phone once in a while, she could have handled this.

I brought up everything she does that hurts them; she hasn’t been to a single soccer game, piano recital, or gymnastics meet in two years, every other weekend when they come home from her house, they go straight to their rooms, only to emerge hours later asking me why she loves her new husband more than them, and what did they do to make her leave.

My ex responded by saying I should tell them it’s not their fault I couldn’t satisfy her, and I screamed “**** you”, and she just smirked and pointed behind me, saying “Look what you did”

When I turned around, my 8yo and 10yo were standing in the doorway crying.

Now he’s feeling guilty and wants to know if Reddit thinks he’s awful for losing his cool in front of the kids.

It broke my heart; I never shout, so I know I scared them. My 12yo stormed in and started screaming at her mom, and while I appreciate her sticking up for me, this is not a battle I want her fighting.

My ex hung up before I could fully deescalate the situation, and let’s just say the girls have been given free reign of the ice cream and limitless hours of video games, because I feel so bad.

I even watched all the Twilight movies with them, so don’t say I don’t love them.

But in this instance, AITA for shouting?

Let’s hear what they have to say!

The top comment says OP is being too hard on themselves.

They say everyone can wish things were different but still do their best with the way things are.

He should disregard her petty behavior, honestly.

They remind him that positive male role models are very important.

They believe that one day the girls will figure it all out.

This guy is a great dad.

I hate that anyone made him feel otherwise, even for a moment.