It’s no secret that some men struggle with the idea that their female partner makes more money than they do, especially if they work in a similar field.

It’s a red flag, I think, but it’s not all that uncommon.

OP is a woman in exactly this position, and the first time she met her boyfriend’s friends, she didn’t feel like talking about work.

I’m in a relationship with a guy who also works in tech. He makes 68k and I make 130k. I am a mechanical engineer at a robotics startup. He works at a more stable job doing programming at a large company.

He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself. His friends mostly work in tech too and talked about themselves in terms of their jobs.

I told them I’m an hiker, I do archery, I love road trips and camping and riding dirtbikes, etc. Basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid to do the stuff I love. It’s not how I define myself and it doesn’t come to mind when someone wants me to tell them about myself.

One of his friends asked about work and I said “Oh gosh, I don’t wanna talk about work at a party! Spent my whole day sweating my tush off in 95 degree heat trying to replace this busted motor just to find the replacement part was also broken.”

I wasn’t lying or trying to downplay that I have a good job, that really is how I spent my day, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk shop at a party!

She told them other things about herself, and looking back, she can see how they could have gotten the impression that she had grown up poor/didn’t have much money.

Some other conversations came up casually that probably also made me seem poorer like me saying that car dealership repairs were a ripoff, and telling my boyfriend that my childhood neighbors trailer caught on fire and I was gonna visit and help her out

I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I was literally just talking about my life, but I guess I gave the impression I was poorer.

Toward the end of the night someone made a joke that she was a golddigger. Her boyfriend didn’t take up for her, so after a bit, she went ahead and set the record straight on her own.

It got later in the night, everyone was getting drunker, and some of his friends (not close ones tho) were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger. And being ready to jump to a richer guy. Really misogynistic stuff honestly, since they don’t even know me and seemed to just assume all girls are good diggers.

He didn’t say anything. He later said it was because he’d smoked weed and gets quiet and has trouble carrying on a quick conversation when he’s high. But regardless I felt hurt he didn’t say anything.

I got irritated with his friends and asked “Now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?” His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying “There ain’t no gold to dig here, not with him or anyone at this party. So do y’all think I’m cheap, or do y’all think I’m stupid?

Things were awkward, and after they left, her boyfriend said he hadn’t appreciated how it had all gone down.

My boyfriend wanted to leave the party shortly after and he was pretty upset with me for telling everyone I make twice what he does.

I said I would have held my tongue if he’d checked his friends himself. But he didn’t say anything so I wasn’t about to let them talk to me like that.

She said she wouldn’t have had to say anything if he had stood up for her himself.

He said it was humiliating and now everyone thinks I’m a b***h, and I flippantly said “at least they know I’m a rich b***h”

He was angry I embarrassed him when I spoke up, I was angry I had to say anything at all because his friends were talking nonsense so it should be on him to check them. Stuff is still tense.

AITA for explaining why I’m not a gold digger?

So should she have bitten her tongue? I bet Reddit has some firm opinions on this one!

The top comment is stuck on all of the red flags her boyfriend is waving.

Some tried to take up for him, but most didn’t.

This person definitely doesn’t have the patience for it.

And this fellow high-earning female says it’s time to take out the trash.

They say it’s just a matter of time.

I’m on the “time to move on” train.

Maybe her bf will take the opportunity to do some serious self-reflecting. But probably not.