‘I feel so betrayed.’ Wife Considers Divorce After Husband Applies For A Job That Would Ruin Her Career
by Trisha Leigh
Relationship dynamics can be tricky, but I think most of of (thankfully) never realize how easy it can be to tip the scales past the point of no return.
OP makes a lot of money working in a highly specialized field. Her earning potential is huge, and at this point, she has been willingly supporting her husband for awhile.
I (33F) am the breadwinner of our household. I have multiple, highly specialized degrees for a niche industry. I make 200k+, with potential to get in the 600-M’s range.
My company has not been hit that badly by COVID, so most of us have kept our jobs, but we’re held to strict standards.
My husband (36M) has a broad degree/work experience. He quit his job right before COVID hit, hoping for a better job in the meantime, and I was supportive. He spent a ton of time applying to various jobs, and finally landed an interview at Organization X.
Recently he found a job opportunity with a company that’s in direct competition with OP’s. According to her, this is a super intense field and him working there would not fly, putting her entire career in jeopardy.
This is his dream job, in almost every imaginable way (I can’t be detailed). However, it’s paying about 65k a year, which would be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk.
My company and this org. are adversarial, at best. My field is extremely secretive, and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor, I would be permanently tainted. I wouldn’t be able to get a job in the industry forever. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you, it absolutely is not.
It’d be like if I worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities, and he worked for TMZ. If he tapped my car, got into my work devices, he could use that to advance his career, and any trust I have in this field will be gone.
Even if I trusted my husband not to do that, my clients and company don’t. Worse, b/c my background is so specialized, this is the only field I can work in.
I asked him to drop from consideration for this job, since if he got it, we’d lose my income. 65k a year cannot support us in this city. Plus, he does not have to work for this organization.
Even if the job market is awful right now, his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs, but I only have this one, niche field.
He continued with the interview process anyway and was offered the job.
He was extremely angry, and said I was “selfish and only cared about money.” I told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while, I would support him, but taking this job isn’t possible.
He continued the process behind my back, and got the offer. He wants to accept it, b/c he says his career needs to take priority and that I wasn’t being a supportive wife.
I feel so betrayed, and I’ve contacted all relevant higher ups in my company to inform them. I notified them as soon as he got the interview, b/c it’s better coming from my email than from a background check.
OP has told him he can decline the job or move out and get served with divorce papers.
I told him he could decline the offer, w/me watching him physically decline it, or he could accept the offer and move out immediately.
I would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel, and we would begin divorce proceedings. My company is willing to take care of all of my legal fees.
He’s saying she’s prioritizing money and career over him and their marriage, but OP feels betrayed, too.
I feel awful. I still love him. I moved decisively, b/c this was the best way to cut my losses, but it still hurts.
He called me heartless and cold. It’s true that I was prioritizing my career over his, but it felt like the only option at the time.
Is she being cold like he said? Let’s find out what Reddit thinks!
This person thinks it’s possible the husband orchestrated this whole situation.
Or maybe this new employer likes the fact that he has access to OP.
Plenty of people think the real issue here is trust.
This commenter definitely did not miss the misogyny here.
I feel so sad for OP.
She did the right thing, but it still stinks. Ugh.