February 11, 2024 at 2:43 pm

Daughter Wants To Name Her Baby After Her Deceased Uncle, But Her Grieving Dad Can’t Handle It

by Addison Sartino

Source: Reddit/AITA/Shutterstock

Grief is not linear. It’s an emotional wound that needs proper care for healing just like a physical wound.

When someone doesn’t get the help they need, the wound stays fresh.

This man took to Reddit to share his story.

My (53m) daughter (31f) recently announced her second pregnancy to the whole family who was delighted as she has been struggling since her first one.

After the man’s brother passed, the family became very quiet.

My brother died at 27, I was 21. My mom was always a very career oriented person, we own a family business which he was supposed to take over.

We never talked about him, ever.

One month after his accident she had already erased his name from all the official papers, got his belongings sold or given and took me as her successor in his place.

I was angry at her for showing no empathy, at my dad for saying nothing and letting his son’s memory be scratched over like it was nothing, but still I said nothing.

He was able to lean on his first wife emotionally.

I got married to Jenna (55f),a good friend. She was there for me through tough times, when my brother’s absence was unbearable.

We had three beautiful daughters before we got divorced amicably. We’re still friends to this day.

I got remarried to Sam (50f) under my mother’s advice. We had kids and she took over my mom’s business as she was more fit than I in those matter.

The man still cannot talk about his brother’s death 30 years later.

Everyone knows of my brother even though I never talk about it because I just can’t.

I know I am at fault for not wanting to stop grieving, but I do not know how to deal with this loss either way.

Helen is now fixed on giving her son my brother’s name, not because she wants to honor him as she never knew him but because it’s “pretty and unique”.

While his first wife, the girl’s mother, supports her ex husband, the stepmom thinks he is being irrational.

Jenna told her it was not a good idea and that there was plenty of pretty names she could use.

But she is making it personal even though she knows how painful it is for me.

Sam is totally on her side as she find me irrational and stupid, she treats me like a mad man and told me I have no say in how Helen deal with her kids.

I do get her point, but I find their behaviour cruel and the reason is straight up stupid.

It hurts the man more that the name doesn’t mean anything personal to the daughter.

I could have understand if Helen was not so impersonal, like this name meant nothing.

Just “pretty and unique.”

Am I crazy for refusing to let her use a name that means so much to me, that bring so much painful memories to mind for a reason as superficial as that?

I asked her and she brushed it off saying after so long it doesn‘t make sense to still associate his name with painful memories, instead of creating new ones with her child.

I don’t understand how giving his name to someone else will erase the pain of losing him.

His current wife accused him of being selfish.

People grieve differently and I was never one to talk about it. But just that one time I would like for them to let me be.

Helen said I was being self centred as everyone found the name pretty and I was just trying to make it about me.

Her and Sam are not believing my pain to be genuine.

His ex wife is the only person on his side.

They are now siding together and have been talking to my other kids who are taking turn to make me change my mind, I feel cornered and except Jenna, nobody is actually trying to see things from where I stand.

I have been resenting my mom for this my whole life and now my own family is being dismissive about my brother’s death.

Am I the jerk?

The most popular comments all agreed that the man is not the villain in this story.

One reader mentioned how the soon to be born child may feel as he ages.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Another person called the daughter tacky and cruel.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This reader offered their condolences, sympathized, and advised he let this fight go.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Hopefully this man gets the proper grief counseling he needs and his family becomes more empathetic.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.